Current conditions: Happy with a chance of ditzy

Saturday, September 15, 2012

If you can't stand the heat...


Then you're just like me. I hate it. Absolutely hate it. I'd rather be freezing my ass off somewhere than having to endure the furnace that is LA right now. I've run out of sarcastic ways to complain about it. I even let K wear shorts and a tank top to school yesterday, a usual no-no for me. The thought of her sweating and uncomfortable overcame my hatred of sloppy dressing for school.

We have a full day today: Volleyball, piano lesson, casting and a fitting. Thankfully D is taking care of the first two right now as I prepare for the later ones. The crappy thing is the later ones are both in Hollywood where it's even hotter than it is here. Just checked the weather, it's 93 degrees BY THE BEACH!!

All I have to say is "Fuck you" to anyone that thinks that global warming is a joke.

That's my rant for the day. I'm sure I'll feel better when I'm driving to Hollywood and my car is a cool 50 degrees.

Stay cool my friends, literally.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I'm a mom, not a hero.


After school yesterday I went to talk to K's teacher about the incident that happened on Monday. K begged me not to and insisted that she was "OK with it." While I knew this wasn't the case I had no choice but to go against my daughter's wishes. I try not to do this, I want K to know that her voice matters. Precisely the reason I went through with my discussion.

I want her to know her voice matters.

Her little tiny voice was screaming "I'm scared" and I heard it loud and clear. After a brief meeting I reunited with K on the playground and we walked to my car. After a few minutes she asked me how it went. I told her that we discussed the incident, I told her I felt it was necessary to let her teacher know that no matter the circumstances K was left feeling afraid and anxious. We didn't talk about it much after that. We came home, did homework and then shuffled off to K's first volleyball practice.

Typical chaos followed after dinner (shower, arguing about something, she lost another tooth, the usual.) I went in to say goodnight and she pulled me to stay. She then gave me a giant hug and thanked me for sticking up for her at school. "Weren't you scared?" she asked. "Of what?" I replied. I told her that she should never feel scared or afraid, especially when sticking up for herself. What was the worst thing that could happen? More yelling? I told her that I was pretty sure no one ever died from that. I told her there would be many times in her life where she will be faced with people who react differently to situations. Some cry, some clam up and some yell. In any of these situations you remain calm and move on. End of story.

When I wrote about this on Facebook my wonderful friends filled my wall with praise telling me that I did an amazing thing. I didn't do anything amazing, special or outstanding. I stuck up for my kid.

I'm a mom, that's my job.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Drained


Not that kind of drained. It's been way too serious around here. Today I have a simple yet thought provoking rant:

Can someone tell me why plumbing issues ONLY happen at night or on the weekend? Is it just in my house? I can say with complete certainty that every singe time one occurs around here it's either a weekend (usually a holiday weekend) or 11:00PM at night.

I understand this place isn't brand new and the plumbing isn't the best but please, why can't my sink ever get backed up on a Tuesday at say, 2:00PM?

Is there an answer for this or is this one of those unanswered mysteries of the world.

Excuse me while I wait all morning for my plumber.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Monday, September 10, 2012

Sharp words

A friend of mine posted a disturbing thing on Facebook this morning. Her ten year old son was being teased at school and it was upsetting him. How could it not? This bullying story was particularly disgusting because it wasn't a student doing the teasing, it was a coach. I have no doubt that she will make sure this stops, the problem is that it was even an issue in the first place.

Schools all over the country have policies on bullying, they have "No Name Calling Week," they make new students sign a No Bullying Pact and they insist that actions will be taken. Are they? I know K has had issues, with very little "action" from the school. When it comes to this issue it's generally all talk. This seems to be everywhere. The schools do not want to get involved, the teachers do not have the time and the parents couldn't be bothered. "They'll work it out" is usually what I hear. That might be the case sometimes but what happens when the bully is the one in charge?

Last year there was an incident that involved K. All the girls were sent to the office to "discuss" it with the principal. K was barely involved but went in anyway. The principal told her that she needs to be a leader, not a follower (I agree) and that she should always stand up for herself and her friends (agree there as well). She then proceeded to tell my daughter that if she ended up in the office again her work permit (what she needs signed by the school to work) will not be signed. WHAT? The way to discuss bullying is to BULLY? I think I wrote about this before, I'm still kind of shocked it happened and this was last year.

My friends post brought it back. Then after pick up today K tells me that her teacher yelled at her and a friend after they misunderstood directions on a project. As they tried to explain the teacher grabbed their pencils, from them, had a huge screaming fit then threw the pencils back at them. Thankfully I was at home when I heard this. Actually, the way K told the story it wasn't as bad. It was later when I received an email from the other girl's mom (a very quiet and mellow girl) with the full details that I really got upset. Apparently this left both girls in tears and the teacher said "Don't look at me like that!" when they looked up at her. The other mom and I will be taking care of this matter immediately.

Edited to add: I calmed her down and she went off to school but it took a lot of coaxing. I'm not sure what the teacher will say, there is not one situation where this type of behavior is acceptable. Not one. Look, I know my child is not perfect. She can be chatty and tends to lose focus at times, but a simple "Please pay attention" or "No talking" is more than enough. If the teacher wants to use authority to get her message across then by all means use a firm tone. Yelling and throwing are not the way to teach kids, it's a way to scare them. I've taught my daughter to use her words and never throw things, it is not an effective way to communicate.

(Reading this now, the next morning has me in tears. The thought of my little girl sitting in her classroom crying breaks my heart. I want to run to the school and sign her out just to hold her.)

I know that sometimes I say things when I'm upset, they don't mean anything, they just come out. Unfortunately once they are out they can't be erased. Seeing this picture is heartbreaking and it's in my head now. It will serve as a reminder of the real damage that can be caused by speaking and acting without thinking.

Please think first.

I hope I can muster the strength to think before discussing the incident at school.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Toot your own horn.


When I was a kid there was no stressing over the weekend schedule. I was in a bowling league on Saturday mornings and I usually walked there. After that, I came home, dropped off my bowling ball and took off on my bike with "come home when it get's dark" as my only instructions.

Yesterday K had a piano lesson, followed by a casting and then off to a birthday party. None of these things were even in the same area code. We didn't mind, it's what we do. In fact juggling an insane weekend schedule has become routine. It used to just be karate followed by piano. Then they both ended up at the same time and it was only piano. Plus whatever party was on that day. Add a casting or two and throw in a photo shoot. Now we have volleyball. A few days ago she was asked to do a fashion show, fitting on the 15th. No problem we'll make it after piano and volleyball. A few minutes later a casting email. You got it, the 15th. I'm sure we'll make it work. It's what we do. If we get a booking or a party that day we're screwed.

When she was three she wanted to play the trumpet. We had no idea she even knew what a trumpet was but we indulged. I took her to try it out and she amazed the shop staff by actually blowing perfect notes. The lessons lasted a few months and then we stopped. D and I never looked at this as a waste of time rather a perfect opportunity to let our child explore a side of herself that might have been ignored forever. That led to her piano lessons, she was a natural, she had to be taken out of the group lessons because she advanced so quickly. Proud moment for us of course. Now she is about to add violin to the list. She's starting lessons on Tuesday. Totally her choice. While this is going to throw another wrench in our schedule somehow we'll manage. Not to toot my own horn (!) but my child's activities has made me an expert juggler.

A very desirable skill nowadays.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Just a little bit.


Oh this makes my heart hurt. K is growing up so fast, what happened to my cinnamon bun smelling baby? I love that she is becoming her own person even though she pisses me off sometimes. More than sometimes. Watching her go from baby to tween (ugh!) has been magical. It must be confusing for her though, I am always telling her to act like a "big girl" while constantly yelling "be careful!" "chew your food!" and "slow down!"

Last night I got mad at D because he kept K up late. He reminded me that soon she will be locked in her room avoiding us like we were telemarketers and I should enjoy the gigglefest that he had instigated. My concern was she will be unfocused and exhausted in school. Which is more important though? A perfect score on a spelling test or making memories that will carry her through life?

I worry so much about the future I forget about the present. I need to repeat this mantra:

Please, let them be little,
'cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give them praise,
give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
let 'em sleep in the middle.
Oh, but let them be little.

Let the gigglefest begin, we can sleep in tomorrow!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Hoard on, I mean hold on!


I have issues with getting rid of things, not junk (not to me) but stuff that has meaning. I've seen all those hoarding shows and I'm pretty sure that baby clothes and old school tests are quite different from old tuna cans and broken fans. Although rereading that last sentence maybe I should have called TLC instead of Goodwill.

During my reorganization project I was forced to tackle my "collection" in an effort to regain some space around here. I was once again face-to-face with the items that I had hidden away because I couldn't deal with throwing them away. In K's closet alone was every bit of schoolwork that had come home with her from the last four years. Bins and bags full of paperwork. As I sifted through the piles memories came flooding back. How could I trash K's "Welcome to Kindergarten!" packet? Quite easily actually. It was at that moment, sitting in the middle of her room, sweating (because it was about 90 degrees outside) that I realized saving items from babyhood will not keep her a baby. Holding on to her play kitchen will not keep her from getting older. These things are going to happen no matter how much stuff I cram into her closet. I can go back to those times whenever I want. Thanks to my amazing memory and near obsession with photographing every moment of my child's life, I have pictures of the moment she first saw her pink play kitchen, I don't need the actual particle board which has become a hiding place for her "collections."

K's new room (minus the kitchen and all relics of her toddler room) is a tween oasis where she will now be able to create her own memories. We found a nice home for her play kitchen, and neither of us was sad when it drove away. She did save a bag of accessories, insisting that she needed certain items for "something."

So that's my lesson for today, holding on doesn't necessarily mean keeping everything. Letting it go physically and mentally not only creates more closet space it allows for actual mental growth.

Now on to my room....


A New Idea

OK, so trying to write thought provoking blog posts was a great idea when I started this. Sadly I discovered that most of my best writing came when I was miserable and unhappy. I found it cathartic to let go of my emotions here rather than confronting them head on. I am so much better at that which has enriched my life but has all but halted my creative process. I find that clever Facebook posts and comments do the trick as well.

What I would like to do is write my random and insane thoughts here. I can do that daily since I am full of them (among other things) and it won't take too long. In full redecoration mode since we decided not to move.So my thought for today was actually my Facebook status from yesterday (slacking already, not a good sign):

"I've decided to find the joy in things rather than the negative. This will be easy in some cases and impossible in others. I'm hoping that this will last longer than most of my diets."

This bright idea came to me after a visit from my MIL. While we usually clash and I spend most of her visit in full eye roll mode, I used this mantra to keep calm and carry on (to use a tired old meme). I didn't get mad or combative and my eyes (mostly) stayed where they belong. I even trusted her to watch my precious K for a few hours in public (with stipulations of course). I'm really hoping this sticks, my diet however is hopeless. Much like my writing I can only starve myself when I'm unhappy, when I'm happy, I eat.

I should find joy in that.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Paris je t'aime



So we've been back from Paris for a week and my PPD (Post Paris Depression) has not gone away. In fact it's getting worse. I still have over 1300 pictures to go through and it makes me sad just looking at them. I've been asked to put together a bunch of them for a travel piece, one of the magazines K works with is doing a special section on us!

It's funny, I've traveled before, been to a bunch of different countries but no other place (except NY) has ever had such a hold over me. I've never felt such a strong urge to go back somewhere, I'm already trying to figure out a way to spend next summer there. Having a model in the family is finally going to pay off for me! Now if I can get K to learn just a small amount of French we are on our way!

We all found different things to love about Paris, D loved the history and was amazed at what each corner brought, K loved the food, OK she loved the sweets and was rarely without something to eat in her hands. I was captivated by the beauty of the city, I found it everywhere, it was in the streets, the food, the people the air. It was heart-stopping beauty everywhere I looked. There are exceptions of course, why in a city where one out of six own a dog is it not mandatory to clean up after these dogs? Ewww.

Anyway, our trip wasn't perfect, we all annoyed each other (like usual) but each new day brought something wonderful, strolling through gorgeous museums, walking though Rodin's garden, playing in perfectly maintained parks and stopping to enjoy local fare. It was all perfect in the imperfection. We didn't once hop in a cab instead we rode the Metro like locals. D (with his trusty map) navigated his way around the city like he was born there. Getting lost brought adventure and amazing photo ops. I still cannot bring myself to share my favorite pictures, I'm not ready to let go of that specialness.

We also discovered that Paris was magic, one night while dining in the strangest restaurant on the planet Le Refuge a classmate of K's walked in with her mother. Seriously what are the chances of that? Another day we were at an amazing park (I feel bad calling it a park because it was so much more) and met a great mom and her beautiful kid, they were speaking French when the boy introduced himself in English, they were American and lived in Los Angeles, the kids were even born in the same hospital. We all hung out and swapped stories vowing to get together when we were all back home. We took pictures joking about how cute they would be to show at their wedding (yes, we were joking, I'm not that kind of crazy.)

The stories go on and I'm gathering them to put in my travel blog (along with some amazing pictures). It's just taking some time. Once they go up the reality will set in that we are actually back and I'm not prepared for that yet.

The one thing I would change: Bring a flatiron, the humidity combined with the water makes for terrible hair days. No wonder all French women have perfected the bun.

Au revoir!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Oops



The Jayhawks - Trouble (Audio & Lyrics)

I am so bad. I know that I need to write. I want to write. I just don't. I prefer to put it all up on Facebook or *gasp* in person with friends.

I realized a few days ago that I did my best writing when I was unhappy pretending to be happy. It was a way of getting out all the anger and angst (aren't they the same thing?) Anyway, I was excited to have found my voice. Realizing that my actual voice is much more effective I took my thoughts and rants with me. Entertaining as I go.

Songs like this would set the mood for a "poor me" post, now I fondly remember the times that this song brings to mind. My single days, a time of despair and hope. Love and hate. Drinking and drinking (I did little else).

I don't keep things in anymore. I don't need to send messages through my writing. If I have something to say now it literally pours from my mouth. Ask D he'll tell you.

I do promise to catch up though. Write about our upcoming vacation. No, not another beach but a visit to the most romantic city in the world. Lets hope my kid can sleep in another country!!

Peace and love.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Somebody That I Used To Know



I loved this song when I heard it last summer, like all songs though it got popular and then I got sick of it. It's the kind of song every girl wrote in their head at one point or another.

"But that was love and it's an ache I still remember."

Ouch, I remember this feeling. No wonder this song is so popular, it's almost an anthem.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

The relentless pursuit of perfection


Le vent (ballet super slow motion)

I do not believe in perfect. In fact I usually believe the opposite, freeing yourself from the constant chase of that elusive quality we call perfection will lead you to this answer: Imperfection is beautiful.

But like every rule there is an exception. This video is that exception. Beautiful and flawless in every way.

sigh.

My dog broke my keyboard.


OK, that's not true. I don't even have a dog. I would blame it on K's guinea pigs but they only eat strawberries.

I've been MIA for a while even after I promised not to be. My bad. I've been out and about, living way out of my comfort zone. Writing a long post soon to explain our recent adventures which include:

Spring Break Road Trip
An Elvis sighting
Jungle Safari
Bookings (for K)
New friends
Old friends

Plus a ton more. I also started a 60 day program that I will explain later. It might end up with me on camera (my worst nightmare!!)

For now I will enjoy the first Saturday morning I've had to myself in a while!!

Enjoy!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

50/50


Radiohead - High & Dry

Finally saw the movie 50/50 last night, don't know if it was epic timing or random luck but it helped get some of the emotion out. It seemed to have gotten stuck somewhere between grief and frustration. The little red Netflix envelope had been sitting on the desk for quite a while, for some reason D popped it in the DVR last night. I'm not going to go into the specifics of the movie, basically this guy finds out he has cancer and has a 50% chance of recovery. It's a quiet gem of a film (ugh, did I really just say that?) and is brilliantly played by the adorable Joseph Gordon-Levitt accompanied by the usually, but touching, boisterous Seth Rogen as his sidekick.

Watching this movie made me realize (even more) how important friends are and that things aren't always as they seem.

Really I just wanted to play this song (it's on the soundtrack).

Enjoy it. New post coming with an interesting spin on Blackjack.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Emotional Blackjack


I saw this on my sister from another mister's blog , we are always on the same page so it didn't surprise me that we have a lot of the same answers. She saw on a friend's blog as well. I love these questions, please feel free to share. Be honest though, anything less is only cheating yourself. That's a whole other post though isn't it?


21 THOUGHT PROVOKING QUESTIONS:


What makes someone a hero?

A hero is someone who lives selflessly, honestly and with passion. A person who dedicates their life to helping others and asks for nothing in return.


What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
This is a hard one, I really don't give a shit if people judge me now. I'll have to really think about that and come back when it comes to me. I'd probably wear sluttier clothes.


What did you want to be when you grew up?
When I was really young I wanted to be a divorce lawyer, but that probably had to do with the way my dad got screwed during my parents divorce. What I wanted more than anything was be a casting director. I was an avid reader as a child and would always cast the movie versions of the books I read. Now all I do is sit in casting offices, I guess I got sort of close.


What is your favorite place on Earth?
Wherever D and K are of course but that's so vague. My favorite place is just north of peaceful and a little east of the truth.


If you had to move 3,000 miles away, what one thing would you miss the most?
Clearly I would be with my family so the one thing I would miss is framily (that's friends for all you newbies).


When you're her age what one thing would matter to you the most?
For those that didn't follow the second blog link the woman in the picture is quite beautiful and extremely old. That I made a difference in the world. That I lived a life of truth, that the legacy I left behind is one worth following.


Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Never trying, no explanation needed.


What have you done that you are not proud of?
Allowed someone else to influence my thinking. While I am not proud of this I am grateful that it happened. The lessons I learned from that experience are invaluable.


When did you first realize that life is too short?
I actually learned it last week while attending the funeral and memorial for my friend Steve. The sudden and shocking death of someone my age really rocked me to the core, not just because a beautiful human being is no longer among us but because it could have easily been D or me or K. Still finding it difficult to function normally.


If the average human life span was 40 years how would you live your life differently?
I would not waste a single second of time with people who do not have my best interest in their heart. I would run away from emotional vampires, shape shifters and all other vapid creatures. I would not be stingy with my feelings and embrace life to the fullest. This is something I strive to do every day, while I fail some days I hope that one day it will just come naturally.


What is the one thing you would most like to change about the world?
I would change the ridiculous intolerance that plagues our planet today. I would insist on all love and no hate.


Would you steal to feed a hungry child?
Absolutely.


What's the most difficult decision you've ever had to make?
When I was a kid, I was tormented by my mother's second husband, he was a tyrant, a bully and a coward. He was also very jealous and flew into a fit of rage every time my sister and I came back from spending time with our father. My father's Murray Hill apartment was a sanctuary from insanity and a place (much like the man who lived there) I cherished. After returning home from a nice weekend I was on the receiving end of more torture than a ten year old should ever know. After that weekend I decided to spare us from further abuse and declared that I was no longer going to see my dad. There's not a day that goes by that I do not think about that decision.


What is your biggest phobia?
Claustrophobia. I absolutely cannot stand small spaces. I hate crowds, elevators and caves too. I lasted about a minute during a scuba lesson once. I cannot stand to be in a room without windows, forget being underground. I cannot even sit in the back of a two door car. I hate it mentally too. Nobody puts baby in a corner.


What do you imagine yourself doing ten years from now?
In ten years I will have the onset of empty nest syndrome which will spawn the greatest screenplay of all time. Written in Paris of course.


What are you most excited about in your life, right now, today?
I am excited that after 45 years (yeah that's right, I said it OUT LOUD!!) I am not afraid to be me. Actually I'm not afraid of anything (except the stuff in that phobia question) and to me that is the most exciting thing of them all!


When was the last time you lied? What did you lie about?
A few days ago when discussing the tooth fairy with K. Is it still a lie when you really want to believe it's the truth?


When you help someone do you ever think what's in it for me?
Never. I do wish sometimes that it was followed by a thank you.


What's the one thing you'd like others to remember about you at the end of your life?
That I honestly tried to do the right thing. That even though I might not have always been successful my heart was always in the right place.


What's something you would do every day if you could?
Feed every hungry child in this world.


Where do you find peace?
In the happy eyes of my husband and child.


Your deal.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Comfort food


It's only 12:30PM but my house smells like dinnertime. The inviting aroma of hearty lasagna fills the air. The kind of smell that makes me hungry immediately, even though I no longer eat this kind of food. It smells like home and comforts me. This dinner isn't for me though, it's for my friend who lost her husband (my friend as well)tragically last week.

Women my age should not be mourning the loss of their husbands, it's so strange that it still doesn't feel real. I cannot imagine what she is going through right now. How do you explain to a child that their father isn't coming home. Ever. I have a hard time explaining to K when D has to work late. The amount of details she must be dealing with right now has to be daunting. Mountains of paperwork, legal documents and funeral details alone is an impossible task for a woman feeling such loss. The last thing she needs to think about is dinner.

Bringing food across town is a small thing for me to do but it means a lot to someone else. When I first saw the sign up post I immediately thought of lasagna. I'm not sure why but I felt compelled to bring it. The smell that fills my house when I make it is so comforting me to. Make me warm and cozy and brings me to a place of peace. I have no idea why this happens. I am not Italian, I have no memories of anyone in my family cooking or filling the house with such homey smells. It's something I started making when K was a baby. When I made my house a home. I never really had those "brings me back home" feelings. After I had K I realized I could make my own, and that's what I did. The past can be anything that happened before today, it can be a week, a year a decade, it doesn't matter. Besides my life (or the good part of it) started about 10 years ago. Sights, sounds and smells bring me back to the memories I have created, they bring me back home. My home.

I was hoping that I could bring a moment of comfort to a house in mourning. As usual I made enough food for 10 people, this wasn't done on purpose, I actually do not know how to make a small meal.

K insisted we add some freshly made cookies for them as well. My little girl also hates to see anyone sad and will think of a million ways to make someone smile. That's why I brought her with me when I dropped off their dinner. Unfortunately my friend was out picking up her son. I was able to talk to her mom who updated me on how things were going. She's trying to be strong and get things done but it's so hard. I gave her the giant containers of food and hoped that it brought some comfort.

I guess that's my definition of comfort food. Bringing comfort to someone else.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The cure for anything



I saw this on Facebook a few days ago, I wasn't in the mood for another video of some kid singing. Then I saw it on the wall of a friend who is selective about what she posts so I hit play. Suddenly my bad mood melted away and happy tears were streaming down my face. This little angel with her sweet smile and infectious innocence took me back to my center. I had been feeling off for a few days. It was a combination of everything. D working nonstop, K acting up and completely ignoring any request made by me, the sudden passing of a friend, the imminent arrival of my period, the high pollen count, the ridiculous GOP race. You name it, I carried it.

Sitting on my couch with the weight of the world on my shoulder was getting to be a burden even I couldn't carry. If I had normal emotions a good frustration cry would have easily settled things down. Normal is something I have zero experience with, a fact that does not bother me. Anyway, I was sitting there, lost in the negativity, watching D work from home (another annoyance since he worked late that night). Hitting play on a youtube video is something I do countless times a day with very little reaction.

You would think that an adorable baby singing would be like kryptonite to a sarcastic and jaded east coaster, the opposite is true though. Inside every one of us is a weepy, crying fool just waiting to get out so we can make fun of ourselves.

Watch this, it will take you to a place of innocence, new beginnings, possibility and joy. If not at least it's a cute baby singing. If you get nothing out of it check for a pulse.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Hazy, lazy and crazy.


No, those aren't the names of my ex friends, although it does fit. This is how I feel lately, hazy due to a ridiculously high pollen count, crazy due to trying to be all things to all people (and D's relentless schedule) and lazy because, honestly, I just don't feel like doing much of anything. I believe the last one is a direct result of the first two.

I vowed to blog more often and I just can't seem to catch up. I have many of them started, but once they go in the draft file, they rarely come out. I still have old ones from last year in there. Some of them written from the heart and some out of anger. They were posts meant for the above mentioned ex friends (who for some reason still find my life interesting) I won't give them the satisfaction of seeing those. I have no anger now, in fact reading the drafts made me laugh. I imagined the conversations that would have followed. More "I can't believe she wrote that" kind of stuff. It's all true too, but sociopaths never accurately remember their own actions.

I've been thinking of Steve a lot, still shocked that someone I know is no longer here. It seems unreal, especially when I can still go to his Facebook page and see his smiling face. His funeral is on Friday, I'll be seeing a bunch of old friends and colleagues. It will be nice to catch up with old friends, none of us are happy as to the reason we are all getting together. I've had conversations with people I have not seen in years. It always feels good to hear voices from the past. Lately I've been thinking of all the people I don't speak with anymore, old friends or family members that are not present in my life. I've made a huge effort to reach out to the ones I've been putting off.

I thought a lot about the family members I no longer speak with, am I OK with things as they are? If I get a call with tragic news will I feel regret and remorse? I went through the rolodex in my head and imagined the dialogue of the phone calls. I was surprised to find that I was indeed OK with my decision. Of course actual mileage may vary but deep down I know that my decisions are just. I did the same with friends. While Facebook has put me in touch with almost everyone I have ever known there are a few old buddies out there that I would love to find. Hearing that they are no longer with us with be sad. as for the friends I no longer have, I would probably be saddened to hear any bad news but nothing would change regarding my feelings now. While I would hate for anything bad to happen to anyone, I stand by all my decisions.

I do feel bad about slacking on this page. My BFF has started hers up again, hopefully this will inspire me to write more. While this blog was cathartic for me for so long, my Facebook page has taken over and accomplishes that daily. Plus I am safe from stalkers. No J, you are not a stalker, I know what you do!!

I deleted most of the old posts, let all that anger, albeit clever anger, drift off into cyberspace.

I'm hoping that the recent rain has washed away haze, I can live with lazy and crazy.it's what makes me fun.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

A Lack of Color


Sorry for the stream of consciousness, all the thoughts swirling around my head need an exit. They are uncooperative and coming out in no particular order.

This is how I feel today. D and I lost a friend yesterday completely unexpected and hard to fathom. An avid astronomer, fabulous drummer and fellow Jet fan. Also a wonderful husband and father. When you hear news like this the world stops for a moment, but maybe it's longer than that. It then starts again but everything is in slow motion. It stays that way for a while then you sleep. The dreams don't help, they are confusing. Did something happen? No everyone is fine. Waking up in a state of confusion praying that was a dream. It wasn't.

Knowing a friend is hurting and unable to make it better leaves you feeling helpless and afraid. These are good people. No, these are great people. Bad things shouldn't happen to great people, not like this.

I was going to post on his wall about Peyton Manning possibly going to the Jets. I didn't. Why didn't I? I want to go back in time. I want to tell them what's about to happen. I want to stop time to stop death. To make everyone happy again.

Then I think of D. He's been working late every night and most weekends trying to meet yet another impossible deadline. I am supportive, this is a wonderful project but I miss him. Now I think of him driving home late and tired. What if something happens to him?

My friend B is now a widow. Strong, confident, conqueror of all things, B has lost her someone. Her support team is strong though. Her family and friends have rallied and are setting up meal deliveries, funds for her young son and around the clock company. This happens when you are great.

When someone you know dies you question mortality. I'm not so concerned about my own, just those around me. If something happened to D I would fall apart. I am not great, I am not a conqueror, I am average at best. I put on a good front but I am not complete without D and K.

Thoughts of bad things pop into my head often (another wonderful side effect of OCD) but I have learned to quell them with logic. The sirens I hear are not headed to K's school, logically I know this. Actually I know this because there would be a phone call.

When confronted by death quelling is not possible. Death is not logical or actual. It is final. There are no shades of gray. There is nothing.

That's not true.

There is something. There is me. Average, upset and desperate to help. I offer myself and become part of the team. Phone calls are made, emails are sent, friends reconnect. Photos and stories are shared on Steve's Facebook page. We are all in shock by this but are now together being strong for B and her young son. Average me, making plans to deliver food and information to other friends.

This isn't about me.

This is also where I lost most of this post. I will go on but not duplicate what I wrote because it came from the heart and my heart is working independently from my brain today.

All around Los Angeles people are wondering what they can do to help, to make the next few weeks a little easier for a friend. She has no idea this is happening. She is home with her son waiting to wake up from this terrible dream. She is now in slow motion and we are all around her conjuring up funny memories of her Steve, filling the universe with happy memories that find their way to her head when it has time to clear.

I need to look for pictures, I have a great one of him giving the finger to my camera after our beloved Jets lost to D's Patriots. I see a color.

Green

I remember their wedding and the way she looked at him. I see another color.

Red


I think of the first time I met their son and his beautiful head of blond hair. I see a color.

Yellow

I think of the stories she told me after they went camping in the hopes of seeing something astronomy related. I see a color.

Purple

I think of many things and see years of happy memories, in every shade and color possible. We are here, keeping these colors for her. Keeping them safe for when she needs them. For their son who will grow up seeing his father in the vivid colors we will paint for him.

There is no lack of color here. There is life, there is love and there is us. Only there is one less of us now. I cannot go back and send that email. I cannot go back and stop time. I cannot change anything. I can merely hold on to these memories and keep our friend alive in my heart and soul.

“In our life there is a single color, as on an artist's palette, which provides the meaning of life and art. It is the color of love.”

We have that in abundance.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Introducing...



Currently making me cry. I'd have another baby just to do this. Don't tell D!

Monday, February 27, 2012

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Hand jobs


Samsung Galaxy Note - Meet the Note

Look at K's Samsung commercial!! She was hired as a hand model and had a fabulous day learning the very technical side of hand modeling. She loved it and was amazing! So much so that her agency has opened a special division just for her and will now send her out on these very detailed jobs.

Finally a job I can share. It aired during the Oscars so over a billion people have now seen my little girls beautiful hands.


Band of Horses - Is There a Ghost (OFFICIAL VIDEO)

D was singing this today when we came home from our Oscar Party, I forgot why but lately strange things have been happening. Light bulbs are popping like crazy, toys are moving and I could swear that someone was pushing against my door the other night. Whatever is going is not freaking me out but making me think about the forces of energy and other things out of our world. Coincidence or spirit I find it fascinating.

Enjoy the song and hope that nothing wicked this way comes!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Wishing



Pearl Jam - Wishlist

This song popped into my head today, I really liked it even though the album tanked. I remember playing it over and over again. The song, the rest of the album sucked. I'm not sending anyone a secret message but I am hoping my friend N likes it!!

I Spy


My bestie Julie posted this on my Facebook wall this week and we laughed about it. Facebook makes it easy to spy on your friends without actually engaging them in conversation. I don't do this, if I see something I comment on it. If I do see something and not comment I will always reference where I saw or heard it. It is creepy when people know all your shit though. I know I wrote about this before.

Part of the reason I stopped blogging like I used to was that I could not control who reads this. Even before "all the drama" happened my "friends" would read stuff here and then talk to me like I told them. A wonderful side effect of my OCD is an almost photographic memory. I remember everything I tell people, this was always helpful as I was often able to catch people in lies. I usually kept this to myself, no use argueing when I know I'm right.

On Facebook I know my audience and post accordingly. Here I have no idea where this information goes. That's why I don't like to post pictures of K, which is ridiculous because her pictures are everywhere, she gets recognized sometimes which is strange but cool. Last year while in the thick of the friend mess, I heard that people were reading this blog and thinking I was sending messages to them through my writing and the songs I posted. That's when I blocked them all on Facebook and started to use that as my creative outlet.

I'll be using both from now, I might even start posting pictures since I'm getting so much better.

For now enjoy this picture and if you think I'm sending you a secret message, you're right.

Monday, February 20, 2012

My new love.



The Shins - Simple Song (audio)

Can you love a song? I adore everything about this!! I have so much to write but zero energy. D and I had a grown up night out, nice hotel stay and room service!! It also included dancing for hours and me onstage. My body is suffering though. Dancing on four inch heels is tough on the body 9OK, it's tough on my body).

Today instead of resting I drove down to San Juan Capistrano for a shoot at the Mission with my favorite photog and bestie Alex. As soon as I get the feeling back in my extremities I'll write all about it. Not posting video though, praying it doesn't end up on Facebook!!!

Enjoy this song, there's nothing simple about it.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Rolling In The Deep



I'm not one for pop music and never know what's on the top 10 but I love this. I cold listen to this song all day. You go Adele. Sing your heart out, we're listening!

Friday, February 10, 2012

Facebook Parenting: For the troubled teen.



Yeah, I have no problem with this guy. I posted in on Facebook and was shocked at how many people thought he was awful. Maybe because I have a girl and can see this happening?

Watch the whole thing. He makes sure she's off Facebook for a while.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Still



No One's Gonna Love You by Band of Horses w/ lyrics

One of my favorite songs. I could listen to this song over and over, stops me in my tracks the second it comes on. Just heard it and needed to share. Again.

Super Sunday


OFFICIAL David Beckham Bodywear for H&M Super Bowl Ad

Super Bowl Sunday is a special time in my household, especially when the Patriots are in it, OK it's special for D a lifelong Pat fan, it's just another hat to put away for me. This year we went to our usual gathering of friends to enjoy the game and catch up with each other. K has spent most of her Super Sundays with these people. In fact the Brady jersey she wore (as a favor to D) was on her back when the Pats beat the Eagles back in 2005.

I don't feel like reliving the game again, not just because it caused my husband great pain, but because it was boring, at least until the last few minutes. Even the commercials were lame. The only positive thing on the television that day was this commercial for H&M, a favorite of mine, and now a super favorite.

Thanks David Beckham for making my Sunday super.

When does soccer season start?

Enjoy.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

What a difference a year makes.

So like I wrote earlier January 30th was the day the day the dramatic shit hit that famous fan. K and I were in Hollywood shooting a promotional video for her agency. It was a surreal day because I was still in a zombie like state caused by the upheaval in my inner circle. It was a bizarre he said, she said, they said kind of situation that had formed a loop and was on continuous play. No need to go into specifics because I don't give a second of thought to it and I like to leave the drama where it belongs.

So the shoot was like a reunion of sorts, it was the first time ALL the kids and moms were together in one place. Plus I met a few of the moms that I knew from our online group. One I had become really close with, or as close as you can get without actually knowing the person. Because of the events that led up to shoot I was extremely skeptical of anything said to me in the name of friendship. Things that sounded too good to be true was surely lip service. But for what? Why would someone open up to me, a stranger, with an ulterior motive? I was suffering from PDSD or Post Dramatic Stress Disorder. Either I had to trust or live in fear of another emotional shape shifter. I went with trust and was rewarded in spades. In fact I kept going with trust and collected a "Dream Team" of woman I call my framily (friends + family = framily). They gave me the strength I needed and I gave it right back to them.

I also became adept at spotting emotional creatures of the night and with the help of my framily I did not let them in. That was almost harder than trusting again. While I am skilled at finding the emotional shape shifters, vampires and werewolves, I needed some help with keeping them in the wild. Happily, I have developed the skills to keep them at bay.

This isn't to say that my friends and I are free of issues and have suddenly cured all that is wrong with our world. We are just honest about our problems and the issues we face. We help each other get through the bad times and celebrate in joyous victory our triumphs.

This process has allowed me to go back and reconnect with friends I once dismissed as "needy." I now understand that it's OK to need and even ask for help from a friend, that isn't what makes them needy, it's what makes them human.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Important Information For ALL Women!!



Rethink Breast Cancer presents: Your Man Reminder.

I'm conflicted. I want to write about the significance of this day, yet I want to enjoy the quiet time I have right now.

I will write tomorrow about this day, January 30th, how it was a defining moment of my life. How I said goodbye to one part of my life and started another. A great and wonderful part filled with the most amazing friends a girl can have. Friendships based on nothing but a mutual respect and love with no hidden agenda. I've sworn off all emotional creatures of the night and my new life is wonderful.

In the meantime please enjoy this very informative medical video. I had to watch it many many times to really grasp the message. I might even watch it now. I like to be informed.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Changes



Exactly a year ago I took my whatever color it was hair and went black, or as black as my ridiculous thick hair could take. It was quite the process and went back a few times because the red always came through. I gave up and actually started to like the red. Today I am due for another change. Not sure what it will be but it won't be this strange not-found-in-nature color I currently have.

The change to black was symbolic, it coincided with the internal and emotional makeover I was about to undergo. In fact my "anniversary" is January 30. I know this because my BFF J reminded me it was the day we met. Our kids were doing a promo video for their modeling agency. It was love at first sight and we've been attached in one way or another ever since. She isn't the yin to my yang, she the yin to my yin and I adore her. It was on that day that I came to a phone from my previous bestie's wife informing D and I that we were scum and we should stay out of their lives. It was somehow easy and haven't seen or heard from them since.

I am grateful for that phone call because it allowed me to start all over, new friends, new look, new life.

I wonder if there's a card for that?

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

It's that time again

I can't believe it's already awards season. The difference this year is I am way ahead of my screening schedule. I usually get to them right before the Oscars. That means that the SAG downloads are no longer available. This year I vowed to start viewing immediately. I'm happy to say that I'm just about done. After every screening I was sure on how the voting should go, that changed nightly. Some faves this year are The Artist, The Help and Midnight in Paris. I was absolutely blown away watching The Artist. D kept telling me it was fantastic but I couldn't see how I would sit through it. K and I both loved it and will be watching it again very soon.

Congrats to all the nominees. Even though we don't any this year it will be fun to see what walks away with the big one!!

See the list here.

Cawfee Tawk.


A coffee, my morning staple. I cannot function with out it. The other day I had traffic duty at K's school, in the rush to get to school on time (7:45 Ugh!) I forgot my coffee. Plus it was pouring and K was cranky. By the time I got home I was completely drenched. It took a hour to dry out and warm up. Right in time for the school to call and tell me that K was another victim of that "thing" that was going around. Ewww. Back in the car, back to school. Grabbed my sad looking child and brought her back home and into bed. I joined her after peeling off yet another set of wet clothes.

Hours later, head pounding I was afraid I was getting the Ick too. Then I realized I had missed my coffee. Problem solved.

I was somewhat relieved and a little alarmed. I was glad to miss the Ick but a little nervous about the headaches. Some research said this was normal. Cool. I can deal with normal as it relates to coffee withdrawal.

So now I'm off to enjoy more liquid gold. Every few weeks I meet a friend for what I like to call "Stagemom Support Group" really we just chit chat until we get the evil eye from the shop's manager. This is usually sometime around lunch.

Can't think of anything that goes together more than coffee and friends.

Oh yeah, wine and friends is also fun. Just not cool at 8:00AM

Friday, January 20, 2012

Escape



I love my iPhone, it always plays the right song for me. Feeling crappy today so I stayed in bed for a while, something I don't like to do. After playing on Facebook for a while I got bored so I turned to my music. This was a welcome sound to me. This whole album reminds me a time in my life when I was scared and unsure. Thom's music and lyrics always seemed to be just what I needed. I can't believe how long ago that was.

Enjoy

I'd Rather Go Blind



RIP Etta, the world has lost something special today. This is one of the greatest songs ever written.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Oh yeah!


I started an actual thinking piece this morning (yes, I WILL finish it later after K's audition) but then I got stuck with something I forgot to mention yesterday.

One thing that really bugs be is internet stalking. It used to happen all the time: I would post something on Facebook and then a "friend" who would always like to say "I have a profile but I am NEVER on Facebook" would ask about something I had done swearing that I had mentioned it. I didn't. It happens a lot with K's jobs, because of the new feed mutual friends can now see comments made on my wall. Complete strangers were coming up to me at castings telling me how cool it was that K did this or that. Creepy. I got rid of a bunch people on my page but that doesn't stop the stalking. I don't have anyone blocked (except my MIL) because I have nothing to hide, but seriously, get a life.

I also can't block this blog and I know that people I no longer have in my life are coming here, what they're looking for is beyond me.

Forgot to write that yesterday when I was annoyed. If anyone needs to know what I'm up to they can ask me, if they aren't my friend why do they care?

OK, back to writing my actual thoughts.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Random

Things annoying me today:

SOPA & PIPA unfortunately are not uber-trendy young royals, they are a way to take our freedom. Please sign here.

Marky Mark: Sorry dude, had you been on that plane you would have died like everyone else. I understand that you have a fabulous set of muscles but you can't fight with explosives strapped on a body. The part about jerking off is just wrong. TMI my friend. Read here.

Modern Family: Oh no!!! Baby Lily is going to drop an F-bomb and people are upset. I don't give a BLEEP about that. Want to know what gets me upset? The ridiculous amount of Erectile Dysfunction commercials playing during the day while I'm trying to watch football with my daughter. She knows what swear words are and she doesn't use them. Does anyone really want to explain boner pills to an 8 year old?. Read here.

Facebook Timeline: I don't like it.

There are a few other things but those are the main issues. Talking with N on Saturday reminded me of a few more I never wrote. Maybe tomorrow.

U & I


Just because I adore this song. It was the first song out of my iPhone today. And I know my friend N must love it too :)

Enjoy.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

████████ ██████ ██████████ ██ ████ ██ ████

Beautiful


Lots going on this week, lots went on last week. I met an old friend for breakfast on Saturday, honestly I have no idea when we last saw each other. She's not on Facebook either so we have to read each others blog to find out the latest news. I can't tell you how good it is to reconnect with someone who is truly an extension of yourself.

We spent hours and hours comparing war wounds, laughing at how similar those wounds were. Once again we were living parallel lives. It was good to have a friend who actually understood every strange minutia of my former problems. Reading events on our blogs was only the tip of the iceberg, hearing the actual stories and their gory details made them actually seem funny. It's funny because even as I was living these events I would think "I need to tell N this" or "Only N would understand this" and even if I didn't tell her just knowing she was out there made me feel better.

Anyway it felt good to sit and talk (and talk and talk and talk). We share an interesting history and met even though mutual friends thought it might be a bad idea (it wasn't). We lived completely different lives yet share the same story. Something only kindred spirits understand. This was one reunion that wasn't spawned through Facebook (N swore off social networking after her own drama). Nope, it was born out of old fashioned communication, OK it was texts but still.

I can't wait to see her again, this time I'll bring K and she can share in our gabfest.

N and I always shared a love of music, I forgot to ask if she liked Band of Horses, I heard this song earlier and it somehow reminded me of old times even though it's pretty new.

Hope you like it girlie!! Love you!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Back in the swing of things


On Tuesday I got a call for a commercial casting on Wednesday for K after a nice and quiet few weeks off. I was happy things were starting but now had to reschedule an afternoon playdate. About that same time I got another call from our good friends who live in Germany most of the year. They were back and wanted to play. We decided on an early movie and then maybe a quick lunch before K and I took off for her audition. The next morning K got another audition across town at the same time. Hmmm, why do they think I can be in two places at the same time? We were told to go early to one and later to the other. Thanks, I think I figured that one out myself. The only problem was getting from Santa Monica to Studio City at the worst possible time. I didn't really want to think about until I had to, we had an overdue playdate to make.

We saw the early movie and took the kids to the beach where I tried out my new lens again, it was a little harder with two kids running on maximum power. Then we took off for the first audition of the day. No traffic but no parking and we HAD to be there by 3:00PM to make the other one by 4:30PM. We got there and saw K's bestie who said the wait didn't seem too long, they had other calls to make too. We ended up waiting an hour and I had one minute on my meter when we got to the car, good thing because there was a traffic cop ticketing already.

I now had 30 minutes to get to Studio City with 90 minutes of traffic. I called and said forget it, they said go and I had until 5:00PM. My GPS (who I'm sure is trying to kill me) told me I was going to be late. I pulled off the freeway and took streets the whole way and it only took 45 minutes. It was almost possible to be in two places at the same time! They must have liked her because she already got called back.

On the way home I arranged for a sleepover with K's friend from Germany and stopped off to get dinner for them. I love watching these two play together, it's effortless. They get along so well I didn't want him to leave. I hardly ever say that about kids and certainly have never said it about a boy. It's always sad when they have to say goodbye. I'm hoping we get to spend some more time together before they leave.

My dad is also in town again for a visit which means that K is working next week. For some reason every time he visits she books a good job.

The other day I said I was looking forward to getting back to normal swing of things and then I realized there is no normal for us. We never have the same week twice. This used to freak me out, I'm getting used to it now.

We've always been a see-saw kind of family anyway.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Testing, 1,2,3.


When D asked me what I wanted for Christmas I was serious when I said nothing. I said I cold buy some things and put them under the tree. I honestly didn't want anything, back in November at the parent party for K's school D bid and won a beautiful ring at the live auction. I thought we were doing a nice thing by simply attending but he raised the bar and made all the other husbands look bad. The ring is completely beautiful, absolutely perfect and pretty expensive. For the first time it was me that concerned about spending money.

Anyway, Christmas morning I was given a present to open first. This never happens. Inside a nondescript box was an amazing Canon 24 - 105 f4 L professional lens. While I said I didn't want anything, I meant it. I wanted a new lens but it wasn't something I really thought about. Having a best friend who is also a professional photographer puts any picture taking in the back of my mind since I am now enjoying the styling part of the shoot. So for the days that followed I tried out my new toy, I saw a difference but I needed help. I called my buddy and asked for help. She suggested I bring my crew over to hang with hers and she can give me some pointers.

In between glasses of wine she showed me the best setting for getting what I want (and what I wanted was the look she gets!) We decided to test it out, having kids that model helps out tremendously. I grabbed her daughter and shot her for a few minutes. With the proper settings and an incredibly gorgeous kid I got the kind of pictures people pay a fortune to get. I couldn't wait to try it out with K.

Today was that day. I curled her hair, picked out an outfit that made her look like a little French girl and went to the village. At first she was annoyed, but she soon realized that people were watching and she went right to model mode. When she was finished I paid her in ice cream and we ran home to see what we got. I was beyond thrilled to see images that I always knew I create (with the help of a professional). K gave me her best "told ya" smile and took off to play with her iPad. I posted some faves to Facebook to show friends and felt the love in the form of "likes" and comments. I even got a few requests to do headshots and shoot the new line of a designer we know. The headshots I will gladly do, the job I will pass on to my buddy until I fully manage the crazy manual settings I will now have to master.

All in all it was a great day. K and I are already planning our next shoot, another fist. She never likes the clothes I pick but once she saw her French girl images I became cool again.

Oh la la.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Bending the rules


This year, like all the ones that came before it, I vowed to stay "carb free." This worked for about 36 hours. I also vowed to enjoy myself and not stress out over every single calorie. Today at the supermarket K decided she wanted to make brownies so we bought some brownie making things and came home. Somewhere between Just Dance 3 and Mario Cart she reminded me of my promise to bake with her. I knew this actually meant bake for her while she plays with D. No problem for me, less mess if I do it. In a matter of minutes the house smelled like a bakery and I knew my carb rule was out the window. As promised I didn't stress over it, in fact after K was in bed I opened a nice bottle of something red and had another brownie. Somehow the combination of chocolate and wine just makes me happy.

I can eat a salad tomorrow.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

NFL Bad Day 2008.mp4



This was me.

New Yeah!


I know, I know, I'm way behind. The end of this year was absolutely insane. We took a crazy roadtrip for Thanksgiving driving a total of 1045 miles, the best part was a few days in SF staying at our favorite hotel. Then K was busy working (did you happen to see a certain Target commercial with a cute little baker?) then she got sick. Then D got sick. Ugh. Then preparing for the holidays in between the ridiculous amount of socializing we did. K and I did a girls trip down to SD giving D some time to relax. He didn't. That all led up to Hanukkah and Christmas and a visit from my mom. Surprisingly it went really well, I only lost my temper once when she referred to my sister as "you know who." The good thing about that altercation is her new nickname, from now on my sister will be known as Voldemort.

While my mom was in town D and I took advantage of the free babysitter and took off for a romantic night away from home. I kind of knew something was up when we arrived at hotel without getting lost. I walked into a candlelit room full of rose petals. It was one of those epic nights that I will keep with me always.

The Christmas carnage wasn't too bad, K got a crazy amount of gifts. This will make it easy for her to donate a massive amount of old toys and books to a local orphanage where K will actually meet the kids receiving her well cared for items.

More socializing and visiting which brings us to New Years Eve. I'm not a huge fan of this particular holiday, this may be a result of excessive celebrating during my New York days. It could also be way D and I always end up with nothing fabulous to do (and the lack of sittage). This year we had plans actually made before December 30th. Friends (with kids) were having a party. Friends with no agenda, no issues and nothing but fun on their minds. Friends we have known for years and always enjoy seeing. It was such a nice change to ring in the new year with positivity. The kids (who have grown up together) entertained us and did their best to make it to midnight, K did, the other two tried their best.

We spent the final hours of 2011 amongst friends, eating, drinking and laughing. A complete opposite of the way we entered it. 2011 got off to a rocky start but it turned out to be one of the best years ever. Last year my resolution was to spend more time Face to Face than on Facebook. I excelled at this. Not only did I spend an enormous amount of time with friends, I spent that time with new friends because my other resolution was to get rid of anyone who lived in drama.

So my resolution for this year is to continue to share my life with my friends. To be there when they need me and to lean on them when I need to. This was a year of growth for all of us and I am proud to say we did a fantastic job. When conflicts came up (and they did) we calmly worked them out. When we couldn't agree we compromised and it didn't feel bad.

My other resolution is to be better about writing, even if it's just to repost my favorite video. I will also learn to use the new camera lens my amazing husband just bought for me. With a bunch of beautiful kids at my disposal I'm sure my job will be easy.

Here's to a fabulous 2012.