Thursday, March 4, 2010
Just the facts mom.
Don't worry I haven't decided to ignore Dr Phil's "not about the facts" policy. I just spent some time last night thinking about the Christmas Incident (I still laugh when I call it that) and I wanted to write about it. One of the joys of chronic sleeplessness: all those extra hours available to obsess over things. Joys indeed. If you have no idea what I'm talking about please read the post below for the entire story.
So the comment (or MOMment, as D now calls them) if said by any other person probably would have been dismissed as random rambling over a planned meal. When said after 10 years of such ramblings it takes on a whole different meaning. I'm not hanging onto this particular statement I just want to explain the significance of it, or at least my interpretation of it, after this, it will not be mentioned. Pinky swear. "A baby steak for K, a medium one for Grandma, a big one for Daddy and then another one for whoever was left." She actually (and most likely unknowingly) put into words her true feelings about me and what she hoped was the order of importance in D's life. In her perfect little world it was all about (in no particular order) K, her only grandchild, D, her only child and of course, herself. Whoever was left can have what remains. The big problem here is that to my MIL I am "whoever" but guess what? I will not just accept whatever is left over.
So her are the facts as my MIL should see them:
I am not WHOEVER, I have a name. My name is MICHELE (nice to meet you BTW), I am the WIFE of your son, I am the MOTHER of your only grandchild. I spend every minute of every day of my life taking care of MY child and MY husband because I love them more them more than YOU can ever imagine. I put the needs of MY child and MY husband before me every day and never regret a minute of that. I treat my family with dignity and respect because they deserve it not because they demand it. I am a mom and that means that on days I can barely move I pull myself out of bed and keep it together for the well being of my family, it means that I do things I don't want to do to make my family happy. I do things that they might not like to keep them safe, and I make fun of myself to make them laugh. I am not WHOEVER, I am the woman that brought joy to your son and gave life to your grandchild. I am the one they both come to when they need comfort, I am the one they come to when they need reassurance. I may not be perfect at this but I try my best because it is my responsibility as WIFE and MOTHER. I am also the person that tells your granddaughter to paint and play with you when she doesn't want to during your visits, I am the one who plans the activities and meals we share together. I am the one that sends you birthday cards from your granddaughter. I am the one that makes your granddaughter draw pictures to send to you and I am the person that picked out all those lovely gifts you have received over the years. That was me, Michele, wife of your son, mother of your granddaughter, the person that you had the audacity to call whoever.
Those are my facts, I'm sure Dr. Phil will be OK with me arguing them as they are reason for my existence at the moment.
I'm not exactly sure what the above description is. A reply to the letter that my MIL just sent me? My mission statement? Maybe it's the opening paragraph of my forgiveness story. Who knows. What I do know is that I feel great knowing that is MY truth, and even though someone may think I'm nothing, I know that this is not the case, my husband and daughter know that this is not the case. That is really the only thing that matters.
I like my facts, I hope they never change.