More than words

Cool song, not a favorite of mine but I liked it when it came out. I knew enough about the band to know the rest of the album was quite different from the radio friendly hit. Today as I was strolling through Ralph's on my typical Monday food buying excursion I heard this song. At first I was taken back to 1990, I didn't stay there for very long, somehow I got lost in the lyrics:

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

I almost cried right there in front of the giant package of beef ribs I was picking out. The words were dead on, it's what I always tell D: actions, not words. Although I do love those words so. I started thinking as I aimlessly strolled the aisles of my supermarket, listening to Nuno's gorgeous acoustic guitar work. For years I was waiting for the actions and not listening to the words, to me they were worth as much alone. What a fool. I was so angry, I let that emotion guide me, waiting for something that wasn't possible. I love my husband, he is many things, a mind reader isn't one of them. All of those "I love yous" were never fully appreciated. How sad. I let anger take take the place of love for way too long. We both distanced ourselves from each other and came close to living basically as roommates. These feelings culminated into an overwhelming feeling of joy. Joy because I realized the mistakes of my actions, joy that D did as well, joy from the second chance we received and joy that we get to spend a wonderful life together.

I finished up my shopping and ran out the store, the music quickly changed and I have a very strong reaction to awful bands like Hootie and the Blowfish. When I came home I put away the groceries and texted D:

M: I heard that Extreme song "more than words" in ralphs today and it made me think of you and how much I love you. I can't believe how close we got to not feeling this way. I apologize for my distance and coldness in the past, anger should never take the place of love

D: Ur amazing - that u could listen to that whole song knowing how much it sucks for you and still have positive thoughts toward me makes me so happy in a way that is truly more than words can say :)

M: It was a very romantic moment for me. The song is actually perfect for us

D: U r sweet - I've actually always liked extreme and that song :)

M: I know

D: My little headbanger :)

M: \m/ \m/

It's funny how much I live through music, this song which once had no meaning to me suddenly took on a new life, 20 years after first hearing it. Sorry you all have to read yet another love letter to my husband, this one was unintentional. It's been a difficult few weeks, watching the news on the Gulf oil spill has brought me to a place I am uncomfortable with, an anger that has no direction or outlet, anything positive I just have to go with.

I'm actually not sorry, just very, very grateful.

More than words.