Too many mental tabs open today.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

If you can't stand the heat...

Then you're just like me. I hate it. Absolutely hate it. I'd rather be freezing my ass off somewhere than having to endure the furnace that is LA right now. I've run out of sarcastic ways to complain about it. I even let K wear shorts and a tank top to school yesterday, a usual no-no for me. The thought of her sweating and uncomfortable overcame my hatred of sloppy dressing for school.

We have a full day today: Volleyball, piano lesson, casting and a fitting. Thankfully D is taking care of the first two right now as I prepare for the later ones. The crappy thing is the later ones are both in Hollywood where it's even hotter than it is here. Just checked the weather, it's 93 degrees BY THE BEACH!!

All I have to say is "Fuck you" to anyone that thinks that global warming is a joke.

That's my rant for the day. I'm sure I'll feel better when I'm driving to Hollywood and my car is a cool 50 degrees.

Stay cool my friends, literally.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I'm a mom, not a hero.

After school yesterday I went to talk to K's teacher about the incident that happened on Monday. K begged me not to and insisted that she was "OK with it." While I knew this wasn't the case I had no choice but to go against my daughter's wishes. I try not to do this, I want K to know that her voice matters. Precisely the reason I went through with my discussion.

I want her to know her voice matters.

Her little tiny voice was screaming "I'm scared" and I heard it loud and clear. After a brief meeting I reunited with K on the playground and we walked to my car. After a few minutes she asked me how it went. I told her that we discussed the incident, I told her I felt it was necessary to let her teacher know that no matter the circumstances K was left feeling afraid and anxious. We didn't talk about it much after that. We came home, did homework and then shuffled off to K's first volleyball practice.

Typical chaos followed after dinner (shower, arguing about something, she lost another tooth, the usual.) I went in to say goodnight and she pulled me to stay. She then gave me a giant hug and thanked me for sticking up for her at school. "Weren't you scared?" she asked. "Of what?" I replied. I told her that she should never feel scared or afraid, especially when sticking up for herself. What was the worst thing that could happen? More yelling? I told her that I was pretty sure no one ever died from that. I told her there would be many times in her life where she will be faced with people who react differently to situations. Some cry, some clam up and some yell. In any of these situations you remain calm and move on. End of story.

When I wrote about this on Facebook my wonderful friends filled my wall with praise telling me that I did an amazing thing. I didn't do anything amazing, special or outstanding. I stuck up for my kid.

I'm a mom, that's my job.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012


Not that kind of drained. It's been way too serious around here. Today I have a simple yet thought provoking rant:

Can someone tell me why plumbing issues ONLY happen at night or on the weekend? Is it just in my house? I can say with complete certainty that every singe time one occurs around here it's either a weekend (usually a holiday weekend) or 11:00PM at night.

I understand this place isn't brand new and the plumbing isn't the best but please, why can't my sink ever get backed up on a Tuesday at say, 2:00PM?

Is there an answer for this or is this one of those unanswered mysteries of the world.

Excuse me while I wait all morning for my plumber.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Monday, September 10, 2012

Sharp words

A friend of mine posted a disturbing thing on Facebook this morning. Her ten year old son was being teased at school and it was upsetting him. How could it not? This bullying story was particularly disgusting because it wasn't a student doing the teasing, it was a coach. I have no doubt that she will make sure this stops, the problem is that it was even an issue in the first place.

Schools all over the country have policies on bullying, they have "No Name Calling Week," they make new students sign a No Bullying Pact and they insist that actions will be taken. Are they? I know K has had issues, with very little "action" from the school. When it comes to this issue it's generally all talk. This seems to be everywhere. The schools do not want to get involved, the teachers do not have the time and the parents couldn't be bothered. "They'll work it out" is usually what I hear. That might be the case sometimes but what happens when the bully is the one in charge?

Last year there was an incident that involved K. All the girls were sent to the office to "discuss" it with the principal. K was barely involved but went in anyway. The principal told her that she needs to be a leader, not a follower (I agree) and that she should always stand up for herself and her friends (agree there as well). She then proceeded to tell my daughter that if she ended up in the office again her work permit (what she needs signed by the school to work) will not be signed. WHAT? The way to discuss bullying is to BULLY? I think I wrote about this before, I'm still kind of shocked it happened and this was last year.

My friends post brought it back. Then after pick up today K tells me that her teacher yelled at her and a friend after they misunderstood directions on a project. As they tried to explain the teacher grabbed their pencils, from them, had a huge screaming fit then threw the pencils back at them. Thankfully I was at home when I heard this. Actually, the way K told the story it wasn't as bad. It was later when I received an email from the other girl's mom (a very quiet and mellow girl) with the full details that I really got upset. Apparently this left both girls in tears and the teacher said "Don't look at me like that!" when they looked up at her. The other mom and I will be taking care of this matter immediately.

Edited to add: I calmed her down and she went off to school but it took a lot of coaxing. I'm not sure what the teacher will say, there is not one situation where this type of behavior is acceptable. Not one. Look, I know my child is not perfect. She can be chatty and tends to lose focus at times, but a simple "Please pay attention" or "No talking" is more than enough. If the teacher wants to use authority to get her message across then by all means use a firm tone. Yelling and throwing are not the way to teach kids, it's a way to scare them. I've taught my daughter to use her words and never throw things, it is not an effective way to communicate.

(Reading this now, the next morning has me in tears. The thought of my little girl sitting in her classroom crying breaks my heart. I want to run to the school and sign her out just to hold her.)

I know that sometimes I say things when I'm upset, they don't mean anything, they just come out. Unfortunately once they are out they can't be erased. Seeing this picture is heartbreaking and it's in my head now. It will serve as a reminder of the real damage that can be caused by speaking and acting without thinking.

Please think first.

I hope I can muster the strength to think before discussing the incident at school.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Toot your own horn.

When I was a kid there was no stressing over the weekend schedule. I was in a bowling league on Saturday mornings and I usually walked there. After that, I came home, dropped off my bowling ball and took off on my bike with "come home when it get's dark" as my only instructions.

Yesterday K had a piano lesson, followed by a casting and then off to a birthday party. None of these things were even in the same area code. We didn't mind, it's what we do. In fact juggling an insane weekend schedule has become routine. It used to just be karate followed by piano. Then they both ended up at the same time and it was only piano. Plus whatever party was on that day. Add a casting or two and throw in a photo shoot. Now we have volleyball. A few days ago she was asked to do a fashion show, fitting on the 15th. No problem we'll make it after piano and volleyball. A few minutes later a casting email. You got it, the 15th. I'm sure we'll make it work. It's what we do. If we get a booking or a party that day we're screwed.

When she was three she wanted to play the trumpet. We had no idea she even knew what a trumpet was but we indulged. I took her to try it out and she amazed the shop staff by actually blowing perfect notes. The lessons lasted a few months and then we stopped. D and I never looked at this as a waste of time rather a perfect opportunity to let our child explore a side of herself that might have been ignored forever. That led to her piano lessons, she was a natural, she had to be taken out of the group lessons because she advanced so quickly. Proud moment for us of course. Now she is about to add violin to the list. She's starting lessons on Tuesday. Totally her choice. While this is going to throw another wrench in our schedule somehow we'll manage. Not to toot my own horn (!) but my child's activities has made me an expert juggler.

A very desirable skill nowadays.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Just a little bit.

Oh this makes my heart hurt. K is growing up so fast, what happened to my cinnamon bun smelling baby? I love that she is becoming her own person even though she pisses me off sometimes. More than sometimes. Watching her go from baby to tween (ugh!) has been magical. It must be confusing for her though, I am always telling her to act like a "big girl" while constantly yelling "be careful!" "chew your food!" and "slow down!"

Last night I got mad at D because he kept K up late. He reminded me that soon she will be locked in her room avoiding us like we were telemarketers and I should enjoy the gigglefest that he had instigated. My concern was she will be unfocused and exhausted in school. Which is more important though? A perfect score on a spelling test or making memories that will carry her through life?

I worry so much about the future I forget about the present. I need to repeat this mantra:

Please, let them be little,
'cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give them praise,
give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
let 'em sleep in the middle.
Oh, but let them be little.

Let the gigglefest begin, we can sleep in tomorrow!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Hoard on, I mean hold on!

I have issues with getting rid of things, not junk (not to me) but stuff that has meaning. I've seen all those hoarding shows and I'm pretty sure that baby clothes and old school tests are quite different from old tuna cans and broken fans. Although rereading that last sentence maybe I should have called TLC instead of Goodwill.

During my reorganization project I was forced to tackle my "collection" in an effort to regain some space around here. I was once again face-to-face with the items that I had hidden away because I couldn't deal with throwing them away. In K's closet alone was every bit of schoolwork that had come home with her from the last four years. Bins and bags full of paperwork. As I sifted through the piles memories came flooding back. How could I trash K's "Welcome to Kindergarten!" packet? Quite easily actually. It was at that moment, sitting in the middle of her room, sweating (because it was about 90 degrees outside) that I realized saving items from babyhood will not keep her a baby. Holding on to her play kitchen will not keep her from getting older. These things are going to happen no matter how much stuff I cram into her closet. I can go back to those times whenever I want. Thanks to my amazing memory and near obsession with photographing every moment of my child's life, I have pictures of the moment she first saw her pink play kitchen, I don't need the actual particle board which has become a hiding place for her "collections."

K's new room (minus the kitchen and all relics of her toddler room) is a tween oasis where she will now be able to create her own memories. We found a nice home for her play kitchen, and neither of us was sad when it drove away. She did save a bag of accessories, insisting that she needed certain items for "something."

So that's my lesson for today, holding on doesn't necessarily mean keeping everything. Letting it go physically and mentally not only creates more closet space it allows for actual mental growth.

Now on to my room....

A New Idea

OK, so trying to write thought provoking blog posts was a great idea when I started this. Sadly I discovered that most of my best writing came when I was miserable and unhappy. I found it cathartic to let go of my emotions here rather than confronting them head on. I am so much better at that which has enriched my life but has all but halted my creative process. I find that clever Facebook posts and comments do the trick as well.

What I would like to do is write my random and insane thoughts here. I can do that daily since I am full of them (among other things) and it won't take too long. In full redecoration mode since we decided not to move.So my thought for today was actually my Facebook status from yesterday (slacking already, not a good sign):

"I've decided to find the joy in things rather than the negative. This will be easy in some cases and impossible in others. I'm hoping that this will last longer than most of my diets."

This bright idea came to me after a visit from my MIL. While we usually clash and I spend most of her visit in full eye roll mode, I used this mantra to keep calm and carry on (to use a tired old meme). I didn't get mad or combative and my eyes (mostly) stayed where they belong. I even trusted her to watch my precious K for a few hours in public (with stipulations of course). I'm really hoping this sticks, my diet however is hopeless. Much like my writing I can only starve myself when I'm unhappy, when I'm happy, I eat.

I should find joy in that.