Monday, January 29, 2018
I'm not a morning person but my favorite time of the day is 6:30AM - 6:40AM. The time that I wake up, crawl into bed with my daughter to wake her up and then snooze for ten wonderful minutes. In those marvelous minutes my child is a half asleep snuggling hugging angel. Smiling while getting those last minute dreams in before life snatches the serenity away.
The good news is that I get that every day.
Who says snoozing is bad?
You know what be great? If someone looked at me the way my dog does (this is NOT my dog, she won't sit still long enough for a picture.)
Seriously, he sweet and trusting eyes only looking for a smile or a rub from me. It's the greatest feeling in the world.
Saturday, January 27, 2018
Friday, January 26, 2018
So I dusted off this blog because it used to give me solace when I just couldn't take things anymore. Then I healed and found talking to actual people was pretty helpful. Not that I had a huge audience but I had my peeps. Now I'm writing to no one which suits me just fine since I spend a good portion of the day talking to myself. I can say whatever I want with no backlash. I can say things like:
My daughter, once an angel child, is verbally abusive and at times barely resembles the sweet girl I once adored.
While I love having a dog (we got a dog) sometimes I get tired of walking her, feeding her and making sure she has water. Yes, I am completely smitten with her but sometimes mama just needs to be alone.
Sometimes I am so consumed with depression I can't breathe. Don't worry though, I'll still pack the school lunch and smile like I am the happiest woman in the world.
There's more but that's it for this second.
Posted this badboy on Facebook today. After months of feeling like shit I was finally (self) diagnosed. I have an acute case of not being valued, heard and respected. It hurt like hell but at least a diagnosis will lead me to a cure. I'm tired of always being the one "there for you." Sometimes a call, text or email asking how I was would be nice. I only get a random bing or buzz when someone needs something. Headshots? Sure. Can't pay? I understand, I'm in a financial mess myself but on the rare chance someone did something for me you can bet your ass I would bend over backwards (or at least as far as my old body will move) and gush with thanks, flowers and perhaps a Starbucks card.
I get nothing.
Except a request for something else.
Today's rant over. Happy Friday.