Too many mental tabs open today.

Saturday, November 19, 2011


Prince - The Most Beautiful Girl In The World

The moment I found out I was carrying a girl this song popped into my head. While I was pretty convinced the baby was a boy the news didn't come as a shock. I hoped she would be healthy, I hoped she would be happy and I hoped she would be beautiful. Maybe that was shallow of me but isn't that what everyone wants? So for the months that followed I imagined the video I was going to make of my daughter to this song. Being married to an editor was a guarantee that this was something that will be done (oops!)

OK, so eight years later I still think of this song (and unmade video) on a daily basis, I got more than I ever hoped to get. My little daughter is as healthy as they come (knock wood) she's usually pretty happy and she is so beautiful sometimes I don't think she's real.

Eight years ago today D and I were in a hospital room with a medical team trying to flip our little acrobat around. We were sleep deprived and scared not knowing what was really happening. My four page birth plan was out the window and we had no idea what was going on. Eventually though, babies come out so I'll spare the gory details (even though I am positive they are on this blog multiple times) and say she made her appearance as only she could.

Eight years ago today I was given a tiny (and I mean tiny!) little baby girl with a mass of black hair and the biggest eyes I had ever seen. D and I stared at her in that plastic box they keep babies in wondering what we were supposed to do next. Nurses and visitors all said how beautiful she was and how lucky we were. We were happy she was healthy and beautiful but scared shitless. Now what?

The rest was a blur, thankfully captured by my relentless picture taking. Today I woke up to an eight year old grinning from ear to ear eager to open the giant pile of gifts she had received. All I could think of were the lyrics to "Once In A Lifetime." How did I get here? Who is this kid in my house? Where's my baby? Certainly not the kid that told me yesterday that a boy likes her (oops, that's a secret, so shhhh!) Who is this young lady who effortless goes from a whole week of modeling to hanging upside down on the monkey bars at school without missing a beat? Who is this girl who can't walk through town without a chorus of "K!!!!!" It can't be my tiny infant whose head smells like cinnamon buns. Can it?

Well they said it would go by fast but I never believed it. Not that eight is the end of childhood but if these last eight years went by so fast the next will be here soon enough. I still relentlessly run after my child with a camera (although her "career" keeps her well documented) but soon she'll be too fast for me. I do cherish each day with her, even the ones where she pisses me off to no end. What quells my anger is the thought that one day I will wish for her rolly eyes. Once she's a teenager I'll probably only see the back of her beautiful head.

Happy Birthday to my beautiful angel baby. I love you with all my heart. I am so proud of the things you have accomplished at such a young age. Keep doing what you're doing but do me a favor, slow down once in a while so I can get a glimpse of your beautiful smile.

Oh and I will make that video, hopefully before your next birthday!!!

Friday, October 28, 2011

Sorry isn't always an option

I have a few other post to finish but I saw this last night and had to share. Dealing with bullying was something I knew was coming, I thought I would have a few years. Unfortunately life never goes as planned and this issue was introduced to our house a few years ago. While we thought we had dealt with it and had it under wraps as you can see from the lesson below it never really goes away. We are lucky that K has some amazing friends and a great teacher. As well as parents that she can come to at any time. When I saw this it reminded me how deep some wounds lay. This is a great lesson for kids to see exactly how others are affected by their actions. Actually it's not just for kids, many adults can learn from this as well, although the capacity to learn from mistakes is a task that kids master a lot easier than their older counterparts. Thanks to my childhood friend Staci who posted this on Facebook last night. I am bringing it to K's class on Monday.

A teacher in New York was teaching her class about bullying and gave them the following exercise to perform:

She had the children take a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stamp on it and really mess it up but do not rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty is was. She then told them to tell it they’re sorry. Now even though they said they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it. That is what happens when a child bully’s another child, they may say they’re sorry but the scars are there forever. The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told her the message hit home.

Pass it on or better yet, if you're a parent or a teacher, do it with your child/children.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Thursday, October 20, 2011


I know, I promise to write and then I don't. My dad is in town and we've been so busy running around and enjoying his visit. Trying to get him to move here permanently by showing him how great our lives are and introducing him to our amazing friends! Also, K has been working so when I'm not driving I'm set sitting!! Not complaining just explaining!!!

Will write soon, promise!!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Reflecting. Coming soon!!

So this past Saturday was Yom Kippur, a day of quiet reflection and atonement. For me it was a quiet day of fasting at home as I thought about the events of the past year. I'm still organizing my thoughts on this. I went from thinking about memories to being pissed off about them. I realized that the things my ex friends accused me of doing were exactly the things that they did except I didn't run off to spread more gossip. I also realized that the worst one of all told me things that were so confidential it could ruin lives.

I'm just trying to figure out how I feel like writing this.

Don't worry, I'd never repeat things that could actually do harm or ruin friendships. I'm not a complete asshole.

Either way it should be a good one.

Thursday, October 6, 2011


Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford Commencement Address

The world lost a visionary yesterday. The loss of Steve Jobs traveled quickly yesterday afternoon, mostly on devices he created. All over the world people mourned the death of someone they never met. There was no negativity, only pure feelings of love and sadness as people quoted the words of inspiration that made them all want to be better people. Steve Jobs was fearless in his determination to learn new things. To move on from a bad situation and turn it into an opportunity. It would seem that he had the midas touch; everything he touched turn to gold. That was because he believed in himself and he wasn't afraid to fail.

This speech has some of the best words to live by I have ever heard. Watching it yesterday brought tears to my eyes, knowing that this amazing spirit is no longer with us. I hope we all follow his example and strive for the true meaning of our lives.

RIP Steve, you were a true American hero.

Written on your MacBook Pro.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

"Born Alone"

The Whole Love is out today. Immediately stop what you're doing and go to Spotify to listen!! Then go to Amazon and download it, or go to a record store if they still exist. Just please don't buy it from iTunes. They suck.


Friday, September 23, 2011

Foo Fighters - Keepin it Clean in KC

Foo Fighters Message To Westboro: "Keep It Clean"

Look what Dave (I so wish he was my new boy bestie) Grohl and the band came up for those assholes at Westboro. It's so nice to see someone fighting back. I do love their new video Hot Buns but you'll have to google that, it's not for everyone, but I sure loved it!!

KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- Rock band Foo Fighters had a message to the members of the controversial Westboro Baptist Church during one of their Kansas City protests: "Keep it clean."

Members of the band dressed up in costume and surprised members of the church, who were in Kansas City to protest the Foo Fighters show Friday night in Kansas City.

The band performed one of their songs, "Keep It Clean," as a message of tolerance to Westboro Baptist Church members. The performance took place on the trailer of a truck.

In an ironic twist, it appeared one of the members of the church said they enjoyed the song after the performance was over.

Click below to watch the video. Just a note of caution: some might find some of the language and content in the video inappropriate.

Read more:

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Do you remember??

September by Earth, Wind and Fire

The 21st night of September. Of course I do, nine years ago today I took a short stroll with my dad and ended up with a new last name. For the story on how I met D please check here.

I wish all happy endings only required such short walks. D and I are in a really great place now but it took miles and miles of trying to meet back up after getting lost. Sure we said "in good times and bad" but really who means that? I know I didn't at the time. In fact I didn't even consider it. I got pregnant pretty quickly so we went right from newlywed status to expecting parents. The dust never got a chance to settle which probably explains the tornado that we were hit with a few years later.

I'm not going to bring up the issues we've had, I'm just going to say that we took the road less traveled. We did the work, put in the effort and did what we could to make things better. Was it easy? Oh hell no. Did we give up? Sometimes. Were we proud of how we acted? Probably not, but we managed to get back on track, not just for K but for each other.

I was going to write a mushy gushy lovey thing but I like this better. I have no idea how cohesive it is since K is doing all she can to make noise but I think I got my point across.

Marriage is hard, if it were easy everyone would be really good at it. Divorce lawyers would spend all day playing Angry Birds and therapists would fall asleep on couches. There are a lot of married people out there doing what they are supposed to do for whatever the reason, that wasn't working for us. We wanted to be that couple that makes it look easy even when it isn't. I believe we are well on our way and that makes me happy. Life is a work in progress, just like marriage, the key is to always be moving forward, even if it's not at the same pace.

Happy anniversary D, even though I take a practical approach to all things including emotions (thanks OCD) I love you with all of my heart, body and soul.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Match Point

So I completed my in home swab test for Be The Match and now I just wait. I guess. When I explained to K what I was doing she was fascinated. She asked what happens if I am ever found to be a match. After I explained the lengthy process she asked me why I would go through all that for someone I don't know. She knows I donate blood and platelets but this process is intense and a lot more involved. When I explained to her that I can save someones life by being inconvenienced for a few weeks she wanted in. I told her she would have to wait. Then she asked if she can donate blood "Not a lot, just a little, for a kid" that melted my heart. She might be self centered sometimes but that girl has a heart of gold.

I felt really good putting my cells in the mail. I also felt a little scared, knowing that the process can be painful, nothing that I can't handle though. I'm trying to live a positive life and things like this really help with that. It also shows others how they can impact the world without making a fuss.

There are heroes all around us, I wish they all could be recognized.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

My new motto!

Saw this yesterday and loved it. It's a good rule to have:

I can be strong willed and outspoken. I can even be a bit hard to handle - but if you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Terrible Love, terriffic night!

The National - Terrible Love (Alternate Version)

I love this song from the National and Sunday night D, K and I were lucky to join some friends to see them live. K was so excited because she's been asking to go to the Hollywood Bowl for a while. I was excited because I love this band and the Bowl is an awesome venue, especially on a perfect September evening. We packed our bag with wine and snacks and met our friends (who also had wine and some of the most amazing caprese ever!).

It was so much fun, we've spend a lot of time with these friends this summer and weren't happy about it ending. The kids get along, K is older than the little boy but she likes to feel like she's a mentor. Plus he follows her around like a puppy and it's adorable!! It's such a relief to have FWD or friends without drama. Six adults with no agenda, simply enjoying each others company. I guess that's why this summer was so great and what made it so difficult to see it end.

Previous summers have been fun but the drama always hung around around like the morning fog in Santa Monica. Even though it didn't always get in the way it was always there. I believe when things are good they should feel effortless. I'm not saying that there should never be a problem, that's not realistic, but the general atmosphere should be positive. Of course sometimes that can have the pizza effect: You love pizza (who doesn't) and eat it religiously, then someone takes you to the best pizza place ever (like Vito's in West Hollywood) all of a sudden you realize that you've been eating bad pizza and can only go to Vito's from now on. You never realized how good things can be until you find that perfect pizza or in our case friends.

Our night at the bowl was a nice way to close out the summer. Great music, fabulous friends, delicious food and copious amounts of wine. The kids were lulled to sleep by the music and the nice warm breeze that caressed the venue. A perfect drama free evening.

Even the parking was easy.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Be the match!

Take the First Step to Become a Bone Marrow Donor (full length)

Inspired by Hudson and Abella (from the video I posted the other day) I just registered to be a bone marrow donor. The registration process is quick and painless and even though the donation process is not, it pales in comparison with whatever the recipient will have gone through.

They may call in a week, a month or even ten years but when they do I will be happy to help anyone fight the enemy that is cancer.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Childhood Cancer Awareness Month

Hudson and Abella, Siblings fighting Cancer

Please pass on this video. September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month and we need to do all we can to kick cancer in the ass and be rid of it forever. So often we complain about the banalities of life when kids like Hudson and Arabella are fighting like hell for that very thing. We are all so fortunate and should not take any of it for granted. I often get lost in the minutia of life and watching these brave kids quickly reminds me of all that I have. I often donate blood and platelets (when I am able) at Children's Hospital where I always see the happy and brave little faces of some of the sickest kids in the world. We need to do all we can for these little heros, they should spend their days playing instead of fighting a disease they should not have.

The White House

Office of the Press Secretary
For Immediate Release
September 01, 2011
Proclamation for Release - National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, 2011

Across America, thousands of courageous children fight pediatric cancer each year, facing life‑threatening battles that would challenge men and women of any age. They are cared for by loving families, friends, and communities who band together to support children in times of great need. From raising money for research and hospital stays to offering compassionate assistance to families who have lost loved ones, Americans are working every day to combat childhood cancer.

Today, research advances have made pediatric cancer more treatable than ever before. The five‑year survival rate for young patients has risen to 80 percent in the past half century, but serious challenges remain. Children who survive cancer frequently struggle with significant complications later in life and researchers are working to develop treatments specifically for pediatric cancer. We still know too little about the causes in young people, and cancer remains the leading cause of death by disease for children in America under the age of 15.

As we work to better understand and combat these destructive diseases, my Administration is working to lift some of the burden on families affected by them. Because of the Affordable Care Act, insurance companies can no longer deny insurance to children because of pre‑existing conditions, meaning that children who are currently suffering from or have survived cancer must be covered. Insurance companies are also banned from rejecting insurance for children participating in clinical studies, in which the vast majority of children with cancer take part. And the Affordable Care Act prohibits insurance companies from imposing lifetime dollar limits on health benefits ‑‑ freeing cancer patients and their families from worry of long‑term treatment affordability. Meanwhile, the National Cancer Institute continues to conduct and fund research on the causes of these diseases, linking research on genetics and adult cancers to more effective treatments for children.

Too many children and their families have faced the harmful effects of cancer. In memory of the young lives taken from us far too soon, and in honor of the families who stood beside them, we continue to support researchers, doctors, and advocates working to improve treatments, find cures, and reach a tomorrow where all our children can lead full and healthy lives.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim September 2011 as National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. I also encourage all Americans to join me in reaffirming our commitment to fighting childhood cancer.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this first day of September, in the year of our Lord two thousand eleven, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-sixth.


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Cruel (end of) Summer

This day never gets easier. I absolutely hate the first day of school. It starts around the beginning of August, I count down the days and start getting depressed. Then I start to worry about how her new teacher will deal with her "work." Yesterday we had a playdate with her bestie from school. It was so great to hang with this family, we both missed them this summer. Once the girls saw each other they forgot that it had been months. In the afternoon we walked down to the school to check out the class assignments. To avoid a long detailed story of all the drama that followed here's a recap:

They were not in the same class (after being together for three years)
She didn't get the teacher she wanted (although to be fair, he was new and I think the only reason she wanted him was well, because he is a him and he has a very funny name)
The bully she cannot stand is in her class again

She lost it and broke down begging me to homeschool. I did what any parent would do and took her out for ice cream. Then I gave her a not very PC pep talk and let her know I have her back. No matter what.

When we came home and really looked at the class list she saw there was actually many friends in her class. She went to sleep relieved and woke up excited. She was dressed before I even had my coffee and requested a pretty hairstyle. When we got to the yard she saw all her old friends (who were all in the other class) and seemed kind of sad, then she started to see her new class assemble and the smile returned. When she saw the girls in her new class she was all smiles again (and I have the picture to prove it!)

The rest was a blur. A mass of kids and parents marching into the new year. When it was all over I walked out of her classroom and exhaled. Her teacher is really sweet, her class is actually very different than it had been the previous years. It seems a lot more mellow. I don't want to come across as elitist but this years class seems to be made up of the kids that are better academically. Except for the bully but I will blame that on Bush. She is a perfect example of why we need to trash the "No child left behind" BS. Sorry, but some kids need to be left.

So as usual, I sit here. Missing the noise that drives me nuts in the summer. Missing my girl that does the same. I will think about all the things I can do during the year when really the year is just a countdown until next summer.

I have so much support from D and my wonderful friends that this year I am actually OK. The emails, calls and texts really help. I will take up all offers for lunch and various activities this year, just like we did this summer. I will continue to miss K like crazy but I will not obsess. I get lots of time with her. I will be early today (OK, every day)to pick her up though. I can't help that.

I'll also get to spend the day with her tomorrow. She's working. I guess I need to have that conversation a little sooner this year.

I hope you all have a fabulous school year!!

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Blast the past

The Smashing Pumpkins - Ava Adore

Speaking of songs, I heard a Pumpkins song today and it reminded me of how much I loved this album when it came out. I played this song over and over. When they came around for the Adore Tour I went with Started Husband. It was a strange concert, they basically just played the whole album. It was a strange night, I'm pretty sure I was drunk but I remember getting lost in the music. In fact after the concert I ran into friends (which I do not remember) and the next day they said I was almost in a trance.

Anyhow, it was a cool night and I wanted to hear this so I thought I'd share.


Thursday, September 1, 2011

Wilco will love you baby

So I planned on writing a whole thing about how it sucks when songs you used to love remind you of people you now hate. I was in the car with K earlier and she requested Wilco, a band I've loved for years. I put on an old album and she asked for the newest one so she could sing along. OK, I love every song on this album and play it often even though it reminds me of friends I no longer wish to remember. I love to share my music and shared this band often.

While K and I sang the words to all the songs I realized that if music evokes a happy memory keep it. Even though I had a truly unhappy childhood there were some moments of joy. Every now and then I'll hear a song from that time and smile. I choose the tone of my mood. I can play Wilco and think of a fun summer rather than a friendship gone bad.

Besides I just made a new memory, listening to this song will now remind me of driving along PCH on a beautiful summer afternoon.

Enjoy the song, it's a good one.

On a side note:

If you happen to be one of those friends please stop reading this. Delete the link and move on.

Stalking and lurking is unhealthy.

Monday, August 29, 2011

If you can't stand the heat...

..then do not go to Palm Springs in August! Just got back from an amazing getaway with my loves. People said we were crazy to head to the dessert on the hottest weekend of the year but that's how we roll. No, really. No matter where we go it's always either the hottest or the coldest weather that place (wherever it is) has seen in years.

This summer was a busy one for us and we somehow never had time for a proper vacation. Strangely, none of us really missed it, we were too busy running from place to place, set to set or friend to friend. What we did miss was some family bonding. We were going to go down to San Diego and take K to Sea World (her choice) but when she found out that she had to be 10 to swim with dolphins she opted for Palm Springs. We found a hotel with waterslides and lazy river and booked it.

I'm not going to lie, 115 degrees is hot but without humidity it's not that bad. We managed to get used to the heat and spent the days floating along the lazy river. It was nice to be together with no commitments and very little iPhone use. K was in heaven and immediately made some "best friends." In fact yesterday she had lunch with a cool family and they live close to us. The kids all vowed to see each other again and since I've been awesome at following up on social interactions this actually might happen.

I keep forgetting how fortunate we are to live in a place where it's possible to drive a few hours and feel like you are completely away from home. D and I also made a vow, we are going to take weekends away more often. It's a wonderful feeling to come home feeling refreshed and recharged, I'd like to have it often. Of course sometimes I feel like my life is a vacation so I shouldn't be complaining.

I'm off with K to enjoy the last week of summer vacation in this breezy 70 degree weather. It a;most feels cold!!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

What a catch!

A friend of mine posted this on my Facebook wall today. We both got a laugh out of it since we know someone with a similar personality.

It's so sad how insecure and childish we (as a society) have become. When is anything like this OK? Even if the guy was a perfect match seeing his true colors takes him from hero to zero faster than you can say sociopath.

Enjoy this and make sure you screen all your calls, you never what kind of magic might show up on your voicemail.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Say Something Nice

I saw this today and fell in love with the idea!!! I spent all day saying nice things to people and it felt great!!!

Pass it on!

Saturday, August 20, 2011


Van Morrison - Astral Weeks

Last night K and I went out to dinner, D was working late and I didn't feel like cooking. We had a great time like always and giggled for hours. On the ride home we heard this song, when it was finished K said "I really like that song." I was so touched because I have always loved it too. I was also so proud of her non-traditional and amazing taste in music. While in the car she likes to hear Sirius Radio's Kindie Rock station but she also asks for Alt Nation as well as requests for Wilco, MGMT, Kings of Leon and Band of Horses. I used to think she was doing this to appease me but when I watch her sing along I can see that she really enjoys it.

I'm glad that she likes to think out of the music box, something I have always done but never pushed on her. She instantly recognizes her favorite bands and gets excited when she hears her favorite songs.

I really just wanted to share this song with you but I felt the need to tell you why.


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

An overnight success

So last week (I think it was last week) I wrote how K was all over the place: a magazine cover and three different Fall campaigns. This week we were told her poster was in the window of a high profile children's boutique, by high profile I mean it's the place all the celebutots get their clothing and there is always paps waiting outside. So off we go to check it out. On the way we pass a newsstand so I pull over to see if they have the euromag K is in and to my complete shock they do!! We purchase all three copies after K stops squealing and walk back to the car. As she's flipping through it she see's her ad for H&M, then we went to check out her window. It was one of those moments that makes all the driving worth it. We've been getting emails, messages and texts from friends with K's picture in various stores. It's why we do this and it's fun to see.

What isn't fun are the comments like "Oh I should just have you get my child work." First of all, clearly it's not up to me and seriously? It took driving around Los Angeles for seven years for my child to be an overnight success. That means seven years of forming relationships with casting directors and assistants, photographers, agents, other parents and anyone else associated with this business. Yes, it is a business, something K and I fully realize. I do all of this because she loves it and is really good. What makes people think I can just turn their kid into an overnight sensation? That would be like me asking one of those people to hand over their paycheck after working all week.

Something about this business brings out the best in some people and the worst in others. I am grateful to have found so many wonderful people who thankfully belong in the "best" category.

Not sure why I wrote this but there it is. Off to take my little star to an audition that I hope she nails for a job I don't want her to get.

But that's a rant for another day!

Monday, August 15, 2011


K and I have been enjoying this song for a while. It's such a fun tune and the best of all the new stuff I've heard in a long time.


Saturday, August 13, 2011

Home Alone!

I rarely get any time alone during the summer. In the past this used to bug the shit out of me, then I realized that I had made bad friend choices. The person I thought was my best friend in the world was actually on a mission to come between D and I and spent hours convincing me that D was a bad father (he isn't, I assure you). Anyways, today I was lucky enough to have some free time. K wanted to watch D play football and for some reason kids are welcome, wives and girlfriends are not. Whatever, I was happy to have the ability to stay in sweats and do nothing. With all that's available to me I decided to stay home, put on a mud mask and watch bad TV. I've also been having a few Facebook conversations with friends who are also happy to be staying at home. Most of us spend all day driving our kids so a rare car-free day is truly a gift.

My new friends are all over Southern California so a quick get together is usually out of the question, although it isn't impossible. Some of my favorite people live hours away and while we spend as much time together as possible we also enjoy texting and Facebooking. We did a bunch of that this morning.

Bringing up the bad friend from my past again this person also told mutual friends that I had no real friends, only virtual friends that I had never met. I wish that person could see the odometer in my car and see all the Yahoo maps on my floor. Virtual my ass. I've been schlepping said ass all over town the last few months seeing actual people. So take that jerk.

Sorry for the side rant. It's been bugging me.

I'm trying to get back in the swing of writing and I wanted to write that was doing nothing with my free time. It seems very Seinfeldesque to write about nothing. Especially when I'm doing nothing with friends.

OK gotta go now. I forgot that I had this mask on and it's starting to hurt.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

I fought the law!

I completely forgot one of the high points of this summer!! On December 1st I got a speeding ticket while driving home from renewing K's work permit. I was so bummed because not only was I a mile away from my house but I KNEW that there ware speed traps on that road. I thought I was passing an accident so I pulled into the left lane and had no choice but to maintain the flow of traffic. Nope, Officer Nasty pulled me over and was such a jerk about it.

I was pissed, D told me to fight it. I am not the fighting kind but I agreed. I waited until the last minute and then I went online to request a court date. I have no idea about this stuff so when that date arrived I thought it was the actual court date. No. It was the day you get to say you want a court date and then you make one. OK, now I had more weeks to stress over it. The day finally came and I was a mess. I was so nervous I was convinced that when it came time to plead my case I would just cry or be unable to speak.

Sitting in the court room with dozens of people just like me made me feel batter, I met a woman who told me that I had nothing to lose. I should just go up, tell what happened and not care. The worst thing that can happen is that they keep my money. Yeah!! I was pumped. I was ready. I was not scared!!!

When they called my name I yelled "PRESENT!" in a voice that shocked me. When the judge called the officer's name I heard nothing. She looked around and declared the case "dismissed!" In an even louder voice I voiced my excitement which brought laughter in the courtroom. I also bolted out of there in case Officer Nasty was late.

I wish I knew why these situations scared the crap out of me. I will tell you that I have been very observant of speed limits, much to the dismay of my fellow drivers. It's like I got a second chance and I don't want to waste it.

I guess it's the same with my life. I feel like I have been given a second chance and I'm not wasting it!!! This explains the lack of writing and abundance of fun this summer. Being surrounded with love is so much better than what we used be around.

Go out and have fun!! Just slow down every so often!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Red, white and busy

Holy crap, I've been a bad blogger. I guess it's OK since I've been a great camp director. Our days have been filled with fun, friends, swimming and shoots! First I need to send some belated birthday wishes to the US of A. Then I need to apologize to Blogger for completely ignoring it!

In the past month we have spent about 10 minutes at home. The rest of the time has been a blur. K did a commercial shoot that took up a few days (we are hoping to see her beautiful face around Christmas time!) she's done a bunch of print and we have seen so many friends we've lost count. We took a girls "mini trip" down to SD and enjoyed a nice hotel stay. We've been a ton of different pools and have hardly spent any time in our own! We've been to all the beaches in Southern California and just as many malls.

Last week was a stagemom's dream week. K shot a commercial, came out on the cover of a magazine and was featured in three different Fall campaigns. People were playing "where's K?" and texting me the pictures that they found.

It was also the anniversary of our big agency switch. I wrote an email to K's agent thanking her for an amazing year. Not just the work but the network of people that have become our "framily." I honestly would be lost without these amazing women who have blessed our lives. It's a nice change to have friends without any hidden agenda. I realized just last night that some of the friendships I had were causing the rift between D and I instead of fixing it. Shame on me for not noticing but shame on them for being complete assholes.

So anyway, we are off to another lunch and then hopefully the errands we keep putting off. Tomorrow will bring more of the same as will Friday.

I hope to catch up a little around here, if I don't it's only because we are enjoying the time and not because I have nothing to say.

Happy Wednesday!! It is Wednesday, right?

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Summer Slacker

I'm having the best summer ever. Good for me, not so good for my blog. I've been spending loads of time with K and some of the new friends we've met. They have become our "framily" and it feels like we've known them forever.

Will update soon on all the amazing things we're doing including some fabulous bookings for K. I won't say what it is but come Christmas you'll be seeing a lot of her!

Off to the beach with D and K for some fun in the sun.

Miss you all!!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Camp Mom

So every year I have K home with me in the summer, I wait for this all year long. Last year it took about a 4 hours for me to second guess this decision. She ended up going to dance camp for a few weeks. This year I vowed to do a myriad of activities and make sure she was learning every step of the way. I also found workbooks that have a lesson for every day of vacation. I thought she would fight me on this but she loved it and can't wait to see what she has for tomorrow.

Here is an itinerary of the first day at Camp Mom:

9:00AM Welcome photo. OK, it's actually a little project I'm doing but it works here too.
10:30AM Field trip and food tasting at Trader Joe's.
11:30AM Special treat from Coolhaus truck. We have a rule here at Camp Mom, if we pass this truck we must stop. Who knew it would happen the very first day?
12:00PM Lunch
12:30PM Visit to the petting zoo. Or hanging with K's new guinea pigs.
1:00PM Finance lesson. Quick trip to the ATM to fund the rest of the week.
1:30PM Fiscal responsibility lesson. Picking up a few things at the 99 cent store.
2:00PM Beautification project. Self car wash.
2:30PM Swimming lesson. Playing in the pool while mommy sits for a while.
5:15PM Karate class. Actual karate class.
6:15PM Music class. Piano practice.
6:30PM Schoolwork
7:00PM Dinner
8:00PM Practical Zookeeping with special guest dad.
9:00PM Bed

That's a pretty long first day of camp!! I wonder if I can keep up the pace all summer.

Lights out!!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Ruthless and toothless

Just wanted to share K's new look. After a bit of drama, she lost her second front tooth. All I can say is that I love this smile. So does our favorite photographer who booked her for a magazine shoot on Sunday and another shoot next weekend.

Who says you need teeth to make it in this business? In fact, right after she lost her first front tooth K went on a commercial audition for Target, they didn't ask if she had a flipper (fake tooth) either. They booked her, missing tooth and all.

Proud of my toothless little girl!!

Monday, June 20, 2011

How to erase your mistakes

So for Father's Day I thought it would be a fabulous idea to make D some sort of video or photo montage set to music. He's made me so many I figured he should have one. I looked though my applications and saw that I had iMovie and iDVD, both perfect (I heard) for this type of project. After days and days of carefully selecting and dropping pictures into the appropriate drop slots, I ended up with nothing but cheese. It totally sucked because the one person I knew could do this in a second was D!

Then I figured out that it was actually easy to do in iPhoto. After selecting my photos and music I had created a masterpiece! I cried every time I watched it so I knew it was good. During the making of my epic piece I noticed that my computer was lagging. It was super slow and that stupid spinny rainbow made an appearance all too often. Of course I couldn't tell D, I had too much evidence on my laptop. I would have to wait until after he saw the video. I didn't want him snooping around and yelling at me for having too many giant photos in different places.

After K and I presented our gifts I gently told my IT hero what was going on. He checked it out and told me that my pictures were too big and I needed to make some space. I was only left with 2 gbs. He had some pocket drive for me (like I know what that is), I asked him if the trash in my iPhoto was slowing it down, of course it was, I never empty it. I said I could probably delete a lot of the pictures anyway since I usually take hundreds at a time. Besides I still had pictures of the ex-emotional vampires and shape shifters. I felt the need to wipe them off my hard drive, just as I had wiped them from my memory.

It felt great! I spent over an hour hitting the delete button, if there was a picture that I liked I just used my handy crop tool and voilĂ , they were gone. If only it had been that easy to do in real life. Banning all negative energy from my memories (actual and computer) was quite relaxing and the end result was amazing. My computer was suddenly quicker. I suppose bad energy can have an effect on anything.

Is it possible that I had made a mistake? No way, all those memories were based on lies, and they now sit where they belong. In the abyss.

The best part of all this? I haven't seen the stupid spinny rainbow in a while.

I really hate that thing!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Keep it in your pants.

I have no idea who Ann Landi is but I stumbled onto a blog post of hers today and it made me laugh. She writes about the uselessness of the dick pic and how women and men are not turned on by the same things. Receiving an email from a guy she didn't know holding "a kielbasa-sized erection" did not have the effect it's sender desired. I'm glad I didn't date in the age of camera phones, I can only imagine the collection of crotch shots I would have amassed. Do all men carry pictures of their junk on their phones? That's not sexy, it's sad. Although if it's all you've got you have to work with it right?

I'll say a little prayer tonight to thank the lord for giving me and D the strength to work through our problems. Dating in the Twitter Age would be torture for me.


Dating After Divorce: Nix Dick Pix
Ann Landi

Of all the courtship rituals indulged in by the male of the species, sending photos of your penis, whether lightly draped or proudly unsheathed, has to rank among the most bizarre and, as far as I know, unprecedented in the whole of human history.

I can't think of a single notable heterosexual lover, from Adonis to Tiger Woods, who wooed with the kind of visuals intended to demonstrate "Hey, baby, I got a great big package for ya!"

Isn't this more of a gay thing?

Or so I would have thought until recently. Representative Anthony Weiner's antics only made blatantly evident what appears to be a trend in Internet "dating" (I use quotes here because it seems there was not so much as a cup of coffee or a martini involved....just a solicitation to online hanky panky).

And the behavior is not limited to teenage boys with locker-room fixations about dick size, but afflicts even males of a certain age, who have been married and divorced (maybe even more than once), and who are back in the arena, looking for action again.

A case in point: I recently received an email from someone totally unknown to me. Part of her handle read "beyondlove," and the subject line was "thank you." It didn't look like spam, so I opened it. My correspondent informed me that she was distressed that her boyfriend of eight months had been writing to me over Christmas of last year. "He carelessly left open an email on my computer," she informed me (I guess to let me know that she hadn't taken the initiative and broken into his account). She told me she'd discovered that "David" had sent me photos of his dog and his house at the shore. Now I'm not really an email slut--I don't maintain multiple correspondences and then forget the names of my prospects--but I could not for the life of me remember this guy.

So I asked for more details and "beyondlove" sent a few. The dog was a golden retriever, and the house was a beautiful shingled Cape with a pretty front porch. And then it all came tumbling back to me. Yes, we were flirting online around Christmas time. Because I was dateless over the holidays, I had posted an ad on Craigslist looking for a yuletide companion. Nothing too naughty, at least for starters: hot chocolate and tree trimming would have been just fine.

"David" seemed like a good possibility, even if he was many miles away. We'd gone to the same college; he sounded smart and savvy and directed me to the website for his law firm, where his official corporate portrait showed a man I would definitely trust to defend my interests in court. He also sounded a bit full of himself (women, he wrote, would get in line for his favors), but I played along and sent a couple of photos. Then came his of the house and the dog. And a short time later, he emailed me himself in the altogether, his face cut from the photo, holding a kielbasa-sized erection.

And now I was really turned off. Not at the size or heft of his member--which were both indeed impressive--and not because this was the first dick pix to come my way. Many times I have posted ads on CL looking for a "mature relationship" or something resembling a reasonable first date, and the response has been, in at least a dozen instances, a photo of the respondent's pride and glory. Sometimes with a line or two of text. Sometimes without. (This is one of many reasons I've decided to forgo Craigslist forever, even if the spontaneity and no-fee advertising make this site so appealing.)

What is wrong with these guys? An informal poll of my women friends reveals that they find this tactic extremely puzzling, if not downright vulgar. I can only assume that since men get the hots for all sorts of revealing photos of the female anatomy, they assume the ladies will have the same reaction. And drop everything to run down to Starbucks for a coffee date.

Wrong-o, boys. The reverse ploy to arouse interest with what is known in the porn trade as the money shot simply doesn't work on women. Whenever I received one of these, I giggled or gulped and then passed it on to my best gay male friend, who has more of an appreciation for these come-ons.

"Beyondlove" and I had a few more exchanges. My advice was to dump him: if he "cheats" online, how far would he go outside cyberspace? I never brought up the subject of his cock shot....the woman was in enough pain without further details. But I realize, post Weiner's weiner, that I now hold in my saved mail the evidence to seriously mess up "David's" career, if I chose to go in that direction. Or if he chooses to go into politics.

Let's keep it classy, guys, and remember Robert Herrick's advice to women. Simply translate the duds into tight jeans and a shirt unbuttoned just so:

A sweet disorder in the dress
Kindles in clothes a wantonness:
A lawn about the shoulders thrown
Into a fine distraction:
An erring lace, which here and there
Enthrals the crimson stomacher:
A cuff neglectful, and thereby
Ribbands to flow confusedly:
A winning wave, deserving note,
In the tempestuous petticoat:
A careless shoe-string, in whose tie
I see a wild civility:
Do more bewitch me, than when art
Is too precise in every part.

Or just send the poem. She'll be at Starbucks in no time flat.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

world destruction

I used to love this song. When I was 17 or 18 I used to hang out and dance at the Roxy in NYC, Afrika Bambaataa was the DJ on some nights.

Yesterday I was doing Music Appreciation on Facebook with my BFF J and I pulled this one out, I always love being brought back to that part of my past.

As I listened to the words I realized that they are so fitting for what's going on in the world today. We better get our stuff together we are truly becoming a disgrace.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Tweets are Everlasting


Oh my poor Weiner. If you know you me then you know the one person in politics that I absolutely adore is (was) Anthony Weiner. Every time his congressional rants were posted online I immediately reposted them. My political crush was legendary and I looked to him as my own version of Jefferson Smith. Plus he was from my old neck of the woods. When the rumors first surfaced about his boner picture on Twitter I felt a wave of nausea, I knew it wasn't going to end well. The "I've been hacked" excuse was as thin as the fabric covering Mr. Weiner's bulge. When it became evident that all of Breitbart's accusations were true I felt completely sick.

I don't care that he engaged in sexy banter with various women, in fact I was actually a little jealous of them. I don't care that he was stupid and sent pictures of himself either. I don't even care that he came across sounding like a fifteen year old boy. I care that he lied about it. I care that not only did he lie but he actually accused Breitbart (a man I honestly believe to be a bottom feeding parasite) of lying.

Then, when finally faced with an emerging shit storm of his own tweets, emails and pictures, he went on television and gave his version of the disgraced public figure "I'm sorry" speech. It was impressive, I'll give him that, too bad it was a week too late. I'm thankful that he didn't haul his beautiful wife Huma up there with him, I hate when they do that.

Immediately following the Weiner Show my Facebook page resembled the AP Newswire. I was on fire with comments, arguments and jokes. In fact some of my best material is up there for all my fiends to see. I received condolence calls and emails from people who knew of my fondness for Weiner (at least the jokes are still funny). Looking at it now though, it's not really that amusing.

What is wrong with people? Don't they know that once you send a picture of your junk it's out there forever? Gone are the days of single use dirty Polaroids. You would think a tech savvy guy like Weiner would know that.

I guess what bothers me most is disappointment, I learned a hard (!) lesson that every man is human. While I wanted Weiner to be above it all, I guess he really can't be, and as I watched him crying I realized that he's only sorry because he got caught. Had this come out that it happened years ago things might have been different. He would have been apologizing for mistakes he had previously made, he would have been truly remorseful because of his past indiscretions and not because his hand was recently spotted in the cookie jar.

So Mr.Weiner, the next time you want to impress a lady you don't know, tweet a line from her favorite poem or song. It shows that you know the true way to a woman's heart (and other regions) is through her head.

Here is a few lines you might want to use:

Everlasting Everything lyrics

Everything alive must die
Every building built to the sky will fall
Don't try to tell me my
Everlasting love is a lie

Everlasting, everything
Oh, nothing could mean anything at all

Every wave that hits the shore
Every book that I adore
Gone like a circus, gone like a troubadour
Everlasting love forever more

Everlasting, everything
Oh, nothing could mean anything at all

Oh, I know this might sound sad
But everything goes both good and the bad
It all adds up and you should be glad
Everlasting love is all you have

Everlasting, everything
Oh, nothing could mean anything at all
Everlasting, everything
Oh, nothing could mean anything at all
Everything alive must die
Every building built to the sky will fall
Don't try to tell me my
Everlasting love is a lie

Everlasting, everything
Oh, nothing could mean anything at all

Every wave that hits the shore
Every book that I adore
Gone like a circus, gone like a troubadour
Everlasting love forever more

Everlasting, everything
Oh, nothing could mean anything at all

Oh, I know this might sound sad
But everything goes both good and the bad
It all adds up and you should be glad
Everlasting love is all you have

Everlasting, everything
Oh, nothing could mean anything at all
Everlasting, everything
Oh, nothing could mean anything at all

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

With friends like that.

“If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.”

What a great quote. At the beginning of this year I would have laughed at it. Finding out that your "friends" are actually emotional creatures of the day and night sucking the positivity out of you can have some unpleasant effects. What sprang from that was a knowledge that not all people are inherently bad but when a warning flag is raised, pay attention. When hundreds are raised run like hell!

Out of those ashes came some of the most amazing friendships a girl can have. Instead of a complete distrust I did the opposite, just dove in, head first, into the friend pool. Emerging with me was a support system so strong, I doubt that anything could break it.

Even during my busiest days these people make any moment a memorable one and I just want to thank them.

Thank you for showing me that not everyone has a hidden agenda
Thank you for making me laugh so much my mascara runs down my face
Thank you for not talking behind my back, you know I hate that
Thank you for sharing your families, I love your kids, spouses and S.O. as much as I love you
Thank you for not pretending to be something you aren't. I recently got rid of an emotional shape shifter and I now know the signs
Thank you for loving my daughter, she loves you right back
Thank you for helping me through any problems I bring to you, I need a voice of reason, not just a nod of agreement
Thank you for telling me that I look like crap when I look like crap
Thank you for being honest and trustworthy
Thank you for being you.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

This Is My Crew

I was going to put a friendship song here but I thought of this completely obscure Beck tune. D,K and I hung out all weekend with various friends, some new and some old and all wonderful. I was excited to introduce D to some of the amazing people I've been spending my time with lately. It was the first time we were all together with our collective crews and it was like we had spent every weekend together. The kids swam and ran around the backyard while we all got to really know each other.

The hours flew by and while we arrived separately we left a family. D was thrilled to finally meet some of my support team and marveled at the lack of stress and drama the day had. I love these women and their husbands were a perfect match for D. While I've been looking for a new guy pal, he has as well. I think a few of these new friends fit the bill perfectly.

I look forward to a fun summer, free of rain, fog and drama.

Friday, May 27, 2011

30 songs. 30 days.

My 30 Day Song Challenge is over. I have to admit, it was fun, although I did feel some pressure to remember to post a song every day. I think my list describes me perfectly, I was honest about my selections. The last pick was a favorite song from this time last year. While I'm pretty sure this song was around a lot longer I chose it because it reminds me of last year. The good and the bad of last year. Actually, it used to remind me of last year, now it reminds me of seeing the band with D last month.

I can't believe it's Memorial Day weekend already. In a few weeks the school year will be done and I will have K home with me until September. I can't wait to have her with me all day. I can't wait to sleep late, have picnics on the beach and spend time with friends. I especially can't wait to take her to her jobs without the evil eye from the school principal!

I'm looking forward to a different kind of summer. A stress and drama free few months, something that we haven't had in a long time.

This might be the set list:

day 01 - your favorite song:

day 02 - your least favorite song:

day 03 - a song that makes you happy:

day 04 - a song that makes you sad:

day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone:

day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere:

day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event:

day 08 - a song that you know all the words to:

day 09 - a song that you can dance to:

day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep:

day 11 - a song from your favorite band:

day 12 - a song from a band you hate:

day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure:

day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love:

day 15 - a song that describes you:

day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate:

day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio:

day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio:

day 19 - a song from your favorite album:

day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry:

day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy:

day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad:

day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding:

day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral:

day 25 - a song that makes you laugh:

day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument:

day 27 - a song that you wish you could play:

day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty:

day 29 - a song from your childhood:

day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year:

Of course this is just the list, I am way too lazy to copy over my witty remarks about each song. If you have a question, please feel free to leave a comment and I'll give you my reasons for the choices.


Saturday, May 21, 2011

Rap this!

I suppose this would have been better yesterday, I just found it, sorry. The good news is that most of us were not raptured.

I'm really glad because this has the possibility to be a great weekend. Also my birthday is coming up and now D has to buy me a present. He put it off just in case :) D and K are out to breakfast so I have a few minutes of peace and quiet. I spent most of that time on Facebook making sure there were no friends who had woken up zombies. I thought I might have been a zombie this morning but it was only a lack of caffeine, one latte and I was better. My hair however remained in zombie form but a few minutes with a flat iron solved that. I guess some coffee and hair products need to go in my emergency zombie kit. I should call the CDC.

Wow, I don't think I've ever seen the word zombie so many times in one paragraph.

As soon as D comes back I am taking K to the second day of shooting for her new favorite client. They did a gorgeous shot of her toothless smile yesterday that might end up a cover shot, too bad I have to wait months to see it!! After the shoot we are all going to an awesome party with a collection of musicians that will be playing throughout the night. Gotta remember my camera, maybe I can get D to play his guitar.

Tomorrow is a big fundraiser for K's school, an event that we dread but always enjoy. I think they should just collect all our money and then let us enjoy the day. Sucking it out slowly is just annoying.

Cool weekend aside, I have many things making me happy lately, I'm so glad I won't be missing them:

Summer's coming and I get to spend the days with K

I survived my MIL visit (just wanted to say that, not really relevant here, just bragging that I didn't kill anyone)

New friends. I have made some amazing friends and I can't wait to enjoy the summer with them. I even have a potential new boy bestie (he's gay so no annoying wife to deal with!)

Vacations. Not sure where we're going but trips to NY and Florida are in the works.

Parties. I have vowed this summer to host a series of get-togethers. Now that I am free of emotional vampires and other evil creatures I can have enjoyable parties with friends that are looking to enjoy the summer instead of sucking the fun out of it.

Date night. I will be looking forward to many of these this summer.

The list can go on but D is almost here and I need to leave.

More later.

Friday, May 20, 2011


So much going on!! Mother-in-law reacp to write, jobs and more jobs for K, men screwing housekeepers, Barry and BiBi going head to head and of course the biggest thing: The end of the world.

I hate when events come up so suddenly. I didn't have time to plan an end of the world party. I was too busy driving around Los Angeles. I am so not ready: what do you wear to a rapture? Is it BYOB? Can I bring a guest? Are kids allowed? Honestly, I need to be more prepared for next time.

Tonight I need to find a copy of Night Of The Comet, the best zombie movie ever. I really hope the rapture doesn't happen, we have so much to do this weekend. K is working for her new favorite client, the $1 flip flop sale is happening at Old Navy and we have a huge party to attend.

I'd love to write more but I'm off to take K to work. Even with impending doom I still have to drive to Hollywood.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

My Breast Friend

So yesterday I had to get a mammogram. I had my yearly pap last month and my doctor told me to stop putting it off and just go. It was no big deal. Sure, easy for the man without boobs to say something like that. He gave me a piece of paper and told me to go.

So I went.

I wasn't going without K though. Luckily the only time I could get was the afternoon, after school. D suggested I drop her off at his office, which was really nice. He also offered to come for moral support. I declined both letting him know that while I appreciated the offers I didn't really want to do the extra driving. The truth is, I wanted her with me. She's like my lovey, you know a item of comfort that babies tend to carry. While I wasn't worried about the pain (I'm tuff, remember) I was worried where my mind was going to go while I waited. The OCD makes me immediately think of the worst possible scenario. There's nothing I can do about that, except carry my lovey and think about good things.

The traffic wasn't bad, which helped my mood and there was valet parking at the imaging center (only in Beverly Hills, right?). I checked in and had a brief consultation with a super cool woman. Then we headed into another room where I stripped to the ugly robe and waited. K and I sat there and played Pig Rush on the iPad. She sat in my lap and didn't get annoyed when I smelled her head, a habit I've had since she was born. When it was time for me to go in she kissed me and told me she loved me. She also told me that she hoped my boobies weren't going to hurt.

The mammogram itself was easy, not a real pain, just some discomfort. The tech I had chatted with me the whole time and we were done in record time.

Not once did my mind wander to the dark side, not even when the tech told me that it was possible that I would get a call because something looked suspect on my film. First time screenings tend to raise an eyebrow but it's all normal.

I drove by D's office to say hi and to grab a treat for K and I and then we came home. Not once did I google breast cancer. It was actually a non event with even traffic and parking cooperating.

I never had a lovey when I was a kid and neither did K. She did have Mr. Bear, he went with her wherever we went but that's because I made her take him. I thought maybe it would be comforting to have something to hold, not realizing that she already had something.

She had me.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Wild Is The Wind (Original)

Be back a little later. I'm currently doing the 30 Day Song Challenge on Facebook. Today's was a song that no one would expect you to like. Nina immediately came to mind since I seem to have the reputation of being an Indie Rockr Chick (which is true). I have listened to her my whole life and will always play this when the mood strikes. Yes, David Bowie does this song as well but Nina blows him out of the water.

See you soon!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the women who selflessly give themselves to the children in their lives.

Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband D, without him, my participation in this holiday would not be possible. Sorry you had to share this day with me. I hope it was fun ;P

Saturday, April 30, 2011

All I Ever Wanted

I am a girl of simple wants: I simply want every to be happy. Doesn't seem like I'm asking much, I mean I could want lots of things right? I don't have much to complain about, D, K and I are all healthy, we have a roof over our heads, a fully stocked refrigerator and carry no debt. K does well is school, D has a steady stream of work flowing into his company and I am managing to keep it all running smoothly. Sure we hit some speedbumps now and then but we are pretty much on the right track, finally.

April has brought K three huge booking it's also brought the deaths of three people close to us and our family and while that is way too much for anyone to deal with we will try to take something positive out of it. D was recently up north at the first funeral and he really enjoyed spending time with his cousins, he realized that the only time he gets to see them is when something bad happens. We would really like to change that. All the issues with his mother should have nothing to do his relationship with the other members of his family. We can make a trip up to see them without any MIL drama. Another thing I've always wanted was a big family, marrying an only child didn't really help that.

Wednesday we attended the funeral for the mother of some friends of ours. Although the busy schedules of all of our lives keeps us from seeing these friends often we are always at each others birthday parties and events. Our growing family of friends is large and we watched as this group went from the single-party-people crowd to the baby-on-board set. It's always the same faces at these parties and the happiest face at one particular set of parties was always our friend's mom L. Seriously, every time I think of this woman she is smiling. She was such a huge help to her kids when they had kids of their own and I was always so jealous! Seriously, One of the things I really wanted was a relative who live close to us, but not just any relative, someone like L was always such a help. D and I were not blessed with this but we could live vicariously through our friends that were. L served as the benchmark for that.

That night D and I went to see one of my favorite bands, The Airborne Toxic Event at the El Rey. The last thing I wanted to do was to get back into my car and drive to Hollywood but still into the traffic I went. Actually the traffic was great. So was the band. The song in the video above is off the new album and it is amazing. I was happy to hear it, especially after such an emotional day. The night would have perfect had D not received the annual "I'm in the hospital" call from his mother. Normally a call like that would elicit sympathy and worry but receiving this call every year around Mother's Day has made it just another thing we have to deal with. It always starts out the same too: She'll go to the ER with some issue, they will admit her (living in a small town has it's advantages) a day later she will call D and say she's probably going to need surgery. A few days they will release her finding nothing wrong. Normally I react strongly. This time I just wanted to hear the news, I had no feelings except pity. It was getting old already.

After the day we had, saying goodbye to a wonderful woman, enjoying a show with my true love, contrived bad news was just an annoyance and a reminder that I will never have the family circle that I always wanted. I know that the phone call was planned to garner the maximum effect but it's a good reminder to check your facts first. Know your audience, especially where they were the day you decide to drop your yearly bomb.

I know it sounds like I'm angry, but I'm not. I just need a cathartic way to let it out. It actually turned comical when I reminded D the rule of threes: Once is an occurrence, twice is a coincidence and three times establishes a pattern. We were able to enjoy the concert instead of rushing home. We were on the same page this time and left the show arm in arm instead of side by side.

Which is really all I ever wanted.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Go take a hike

Originally written on 4/18/11. I was going to add to it but never got around to it. After attending the funeral today I just decided to post it. I'll probably post more on that but not now.

It was a rough weekend for us. Last week we received the terrible news that D's cousin's young son had died. It was a shock for many reasons, we found out that he had taken his own life after years of suffering with a mental illness. After careful consideration we decided that D would attend the funeral and I would stay home with K. Taking her to a funeral didn't seem right. I know that D didn't fully agree with me until he arrived at the service but I knew in my heart it wasn't the place for her. This was a time for grieving and rallying around a family who needed support, K is too young to grasp that concept and wouldn't understand what was happening. Right before the funeral started D got a call from another side of his family saying that his aunt had passed away after be ill for some time.

This was sad to hear as well, a few years ago we went to visit that side of the family in Chicago and had a wonderful time. His aunt was clearly the matriarch of the family and had the kind of old school grace and toughness you don't really get to see anymore. We had planned to go back but that thing called life somehow got in the way. I felt really awful for D who was not only at a funeral but just learned of another death. I could only tell him I loved him and offer my sympathy.

On Sunday K and I decided to go to the local Farmer's Market and invited our friends R and N to join us. N was up North at a family wedding so R joined us. D was coming home but had a 7 or 8 hour drive and we needed to get out of the house. After the market R suggested a hike. After the laughing stopped (I don't hike) I had to say yes, K was already planning her outfit. I was actually happy to get away from things and spend some time being unreachable.

We did great, only one fall (K) and we didn't get lost. R was a terrific guide and was so patient with the inexperienced hiker (me). I took a few pictures including the one above featuring K and her walking stick "stickie." After hiking we came back home and made brownies, R left to do some work and K and I waited for D. Poor D, he was exhausted when he finally walked through the door. He spent more time driving than visiting and was completely wiped out. Still he happily entertained his adoring child while I caught up on my emails and made sure I had the right location and calltime for K's shoot on Monday.

While checking my email I saw one from a friend with nothing in the subject line. That was strange for him. The email contained the tragic news that another friend's mother was killed in a car accident. This one was really tough to take. Not that the others weren't, D's cousin was a complete shock and my heart ached for his family, I couldn't even imagine the pain and suffering they were experiencing, his aunts death was really sad to hear but not unexpected since she had been ill for some time. This was so completely shocking I am still not believing it. She was also probably the nicest woman anyone had met. Seriously. Every time we saw her I would tell her how utterly jealous I was of her daughters and the amazing mom they had. She adored K and was so great with kids she made Mary Poppins look like Cruella De Vil. I couldn't imagine the pain that her children were feeling. I waited until K was out of the room and told D the news. He had the same reaction I did. Shocked sadness. I think we were both a little freaked out every time the phone rang that night. Three deaths in a week was just about all the bad news we could take.

Spring break is this week and I'd like to go back to nature again. Being up on the trail was nice. Seeing the world from a different view was inspiring, like nothing up there could hurt us. I'm hoping for an uneventful and stress-free week.

Call your parents and tell them you love them. It'll be a nice surprise for you both.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Complete Adoration

Spring Break is over and D shuffled K off to school this morning. I sat in my kitchen and watched them drive away, my sadness was replaced by smiles when I thought about all the things we did this past week. The highlight had to be Saturday night. We piled into the car and headed over to the forgotten LA Forum, D had scored tickets to the Prince concert. K was excited to see her first concert (technically it was her second concert, she doesn't seem to remember going to Coachella when was a toddler) and had her nails painted purple in Princes honor. We figured since it was an all ages show there would be lots of kids, besides K I saw only one other kid. Whatever, it wasn't a school night and how often do we do something like this.

We found our seat and watched the crowd grow, K was in awe of the giant venue and tried to guess how many people were going to be there. I just hoped that she would make it through the set. The lights dimmed and the announcer introduced Chaka Kahn, a complete surprise to me since I thought it was a solo concert. Chaka Kahn has been a favorite of mine since I was a kid and I immediately started screaming like one. Soon the three of us were dancing and singing and having a great time. After Chaka finished the lights went back on again. K was confused and I told her that Prince would be on soon, Chaka was just the opening act.

When the lights were lowered she knew it was time and stood up in her seat to see. She stayed in that position for most of the show. Towards the end we could see that she was fading but made it through until the last song. We then had to explain what an encore was and she declared her need to go to the bathroom. We left our seats and said goodbye to the people we were sitting near and headed down to the bathroom. I could hear the encore starting and she tried to hurry.

We found a new place to watch the end of the show and K had found some reserve energy to get her through it.

Then I heard it. I looked at Dave who recognized the notes immediately. Prince was about to sing "Adore" not just a favorite song of ours (it is) but our wedding song. When we were driving to the show I wondered aloud as to whether he would play "Adore" D was sure he would (even though he didn't at he last show we saw). It was such a beautiful moment. The three of us melted into one and we swayed to the rhythm of the song that meant a lot to us. I had actually forgotten how much it meant and at that moment, hearing it live, it brought me to tears. It was wonderful.

Hearing our song live, with our daughter there with us almost felt like a renewal of the vows we said on our wedding day. We've been through so much since we took the dance floor as man and wife. We've grown as a couple and as individuals, even though it took a while and it wasn't easy, we got there. Sometimes I forget the struggle as I fall into a comfortable routine. I'm glad I have reminders to nudge me out of my rut.

I think maybe later I'll put on this song and recreate that first dance. Minus the dress though, it was itchy.

until the end of time..........

Friday, April 15, 2011


Day of Silence April 15, 2011

On the National Day of Silence hundreds of thousands of students nationwide take a vow of silence to bring attention to anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in their schools.

Read all about it here:

Think before you speak.


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Foo me once!

Foo Fighters - Everlong

OK, I seem to have a slight obsession this week. I do tend to get a tad giddy when one of my favorite bands releases a new album. This album release coincided with a documentary and a live concert, which we watched earlier. I swear, this kind of stuff makes me feel like a teenager and I don't care. I love it. That feeling you get when you hear an album for the first time does not change, at least it doesn't for me.

I remember when The Color and The Shape came out. I was still married to Starter Husband. I ran out that day to buy the CD and played it immediately squealing with delight at every track. After a few minutes he just looked at me and said "What are you 12?" Sadly, it wasn't the only time he made that comment. He clearly didn't appreciate my taste in music or excitement over anything that didn't involve rating points (he worked in TV ad sales). It was another defeat in my quest for happiness and one of the (ten thousand) reasons I am not wearing a ring from him. Ironically we saw the Foo Fighters in concert for that tour. While he didn't care for listening to music "like a 12 year old" Starter Husband took every opportunity to make his clients happy and lucky for me one of those clients just happened to be a fan of the band.

I think of this often, especially when a new album comes out. D and I share a love for music and while we might not always agree there are a few bands that we absolutely adore. The Foos are one of them. This is a total change from what I had before. When I hear of a show coming up I rush to tell him about it instead of keeping my mouth shut in fear of humiliation. In fact, D might even be worse than me. We just saw a commercial for a few shows Prince was doing next week and he was immediately on a website securing tickets for us. In February we trekked out to Pomona to see Stone Temple Pilots for the tenth (OK fifth) time. Last month I mentioned that one of my new favorite bands had announced some tour dates and guess what, we're going.

I love going to shows with D, he doesn't chastise me for screaming, yelling, singing and dancing. He loves it. He calls me his Rockr Girl. A nickname that makes me supremely happy. It's been almost 14 years since Starter Husband uttered his comment. I still remember it like it was yesterday even though it feels like it happened a lifetime ago.

In a few weeks D and I will be bouncing to The Airborne Toxic Event and yelling like a couple of 12 year olds. I'd love to call Starter Husband from the show just to let him know that I am indeed still 12 but I don't want to wake him up. I'm sure the old man will have been fast asleep for hours by the time the show starts. Did I mention that I was older than him?

We are here for such a short time, why not enjoy it all? I just posted this on my wonderful friend N's blog:

Age is just a number other people need to justify their defeat. Enjoy it all and concentrate on the memories, not the numeral.

It totally makes sense here so I'm stealing it from myself.

Rock on people


Monday, April 11, 2011

I pity the Foo

Foo Fighters - Rope

New Foo Fighters album is available today, a whole day early. Can't wait to listen in my car tomorrow on the way to my almost weekly bitch session with one of my favorite besties.

I love Dave Grohl so much. I think he'd make a great BFF: We like the same music, he has a kid and he'd totally get along with D. So Dave if you happen to be reading this, send me an email, I'm in the market for a new guy pal and I think you have all the necessary qualifications.

For the rest of you, I'm thinking of changing the look of this blog. I'm feeling spiritually clean and I want my world to match. Any suggestions are welcome.

Still writing my Emotional Creatures of the Night piece. I can't spend too much time on it, I start to get pissed off and I'm staying away from negative feelings like that. I'm also still recovering from a long week, K shot 6 out of 8 days. She had a blast and got to work with friends and her favorite photographer. I loved it because I always lose weight on the "set diet." I spend so much time talking I don't have time to eat.

Have a wonderful night.

I'll be waiting for an email Dave Grohl.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Just because..

I am completely obsessed with this baby. His little laugh is more than infectious, it makes my uterus hurt. I remember K's little belly laughs, she still can burst into uncontrollable giggles which warms my soul.

I'm too exhausted to write anything, my belly laughing supermodel has worked 5 out of the last 6 days and I've had to juggle it all. I'm not complaining, these kind of weeks are a dream come true in our business. I've even managed to have her in school every day (even if one of those school days lasted 45 minutes). Thankfully she has a day off tomorrow and she will be in school all day which will leave me time to do something other than preparing for a day on set.

For all those who think I am torturing my child please know that she hugged and thanked the producer today when she asked if K would like to come back on Saturday.

Enjoy the laughs, I am about to enjoy a wonderful bottle of Tempranillo with my husband, who I have not seen in a few days.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Blessings, bookings and bunk beds.

Very busy these last few days!! Besides the bookings and auditions for K, I've tried to slip in some quality time with my friends (in person), organize my house for K's new (and gigantic) bunk bed and find time in between to catch up with my darling D. I think we saw each other this weekend.

Here are a few of the things currently making me happy:

My loves D and K (of course)

The look on K's face when she saw her new bed (and bedding)

The look on D's face when said bed was put together (thanks to our strong and manly friend LE, you rule!!)

The way my daughter looked at her photoshoot on Saturday for Hanna Andersson

The great job she did at that photoshoot even though the first shot was difficult

The fact that that they had her stay to do more and are having her back today (and tomorrow!)

D's cold is finally gone, which means more cuddling now

Audition for a job in Costa Rica (a girl can dream, no?)

My friends. My real friends. After "all the drama" I was skittish and afraid to trust. D told me not to live this way, so I let it go. What I discovered was an army of the best people in the world. I cherish and value them completely. I take the time to call, write, text and visit as much as possible. I am happy and blessed to have these people in my life. Letting go of that fear opened me up to a whole new place and I have invited even more people into. I was once accused of only having only virtual friends by someone who didn't know really know me at all. Now, while I make the rounds I think of that and laugh.

K's new bed. It's a serious piece of furniture, I will post a picture of it soon. Turning her little girl room into an oasis of cool was fun for me, even though it reminds me of how fast she's growing up.

My new Tory Burch boots. Sorry but they make me happy and they are gorgeous. I've already been stopped a million times and asked about them. Score!

My friend Alex and her incredible talent. She did a shoot with K on Friday and managed to snap a few of me and K. For the first time in my life I didn't cringe when she posted the picture on Facebook. In fact, I immediately put it up on my page. I may post it here, still undecided. This brings me to:

Love. I am happy for love. Happy that after years of stumbling around it and finding it impossible to fully let go, I am learning that it isn't so hard. I'm not just talking about romantic love, although that is included in this, I mean love of life, love of friends, love of the uncertainty of things. I think what I've recently learned is that love is what's on the other side of fear. Once you leap over the fear you can find love in anything. All those years I held on to the fear and I never knew why. It wasn't fear of the unknown. It was fear of love and I know now that there is nothing to fear about love. I know I've written about love before but this is a different kind of love. It encompasses all. It's what I found on the other side of fear, not hate. I don't really hate, I don't see the point.

So once again I've gone off on a tangent but ended up in a realization. I've made a list that includes, boots, furniture and a profound truth. All this on a Monday morning.

I can't wait to see what this week brings!

Peace and love and truth and destiny to you all.