Too many mental tabs open today.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


So it was a better day at camp pick up today, the girl that was mean to K was not there and she happily played with all the girls and even showed them how to do a high jump. Apparently it's K's special trick and all the girls want to learn it. I retrieved a happy camper today and we went to get a small treat on the way home. We ended up at Champagne Bakery for a latte and pink lemonade. I'm pretty sure we ended up there because it's next to Marshalls and we haven't been there in a while.

While we casually strolled around the store I reminded K that she was not getting anything. I'm in the middle of getting rid of a ton of her old stuff, there is no way this girl needs another thing! We walked the aisles and she showed me all the shoes I should buy. I'm not sure what to think of her selections, they are really suited for me unless I decide to become a pole dancer. She like shiny glittery high heels. I'm beginning to worry, I'd be really freaked out if she wanted them for herself. Anyway, I placated her and tried on a pair of awful hooker heels she thought were just beautiful. When I showed her a pair of gorgeous Marc Jacob boots for her she said they were tacky, clearly I have some work to do.

She stopped at the Ugg looking boots. Last year we relented and bought a real pair for her, she never really asks for anything like that and she has been working since she was a baby, we figured she could have a pair. She had insisted we use her money but that wasn't going to happen. She loved those Uggs and would wear them today if they didn't stink. Seriously, if you wear Uggs without socks the smell is terrible. Once K was changing into her karate gear in my car and gagged on the smell of her own feet! I can't even be in the car if she takes them off, it's nasty.

OK, that was gross. So today we're in Marshalls and she sees a pair of fake black tall Uggs, she finds a pair in her size and then tries them on. I just stand and watch waiting for the master debate that is about to start. First I take a look at these boots. They were actually made well and were super soft inside. K's opening argument were all about fit, they felt great! They were so comfy and would keep her feet warm in the winter. Then she moved onto the color, I wanted her to get the tall black boots last year but she went the style her friends had. If she got the black boots this time she can wear then with anything and when they dirty it won't be bad. I informed her that they were not the real boots and they won't be the ones her friends will probably have. She asked how much they were ($24) and how much the real ones were ($140) she then told me that she'd rather have the fake ones, even if she didn't get them today. She might as well have said "the defense rests." We walked out of the store with the boots.

I was really proud of K for understanding that a label and a high pricetag doesn't make for a better product. I would have bought her the real shoes but what she got was better. A lesson learned and what I think is a superior pair of shoes. I may even go back and buy her the other color. I asked her what's going to happen if one of those friends say something about the lack of label on her heel. She said she's going to tell them she's smart enough to not pay $100 for a label.

More words of wisdom from the six year old.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Happy Campers

K started another week of dance camp today. She had a great time when she did it a few weeks ago, even though there were only four kids in the class. Today when I picked her up she looked like she was going to cry. When I asked her what was wrong she told me one of the girls was really nasty to her. She pointed out the girl to me, I wasn't sure what to do.I know K wasn't lying, I could tell by her face she was truly upset. What I wanted to do was punch the little monster in the face. What I did was ask her name, she looked a little nervous and told me. I took K by the hand and walked out the door. In the car I told her that sometimes girls are mean, she should know that it doesn't matter though. K is an amazing kid who is good at everything and there will always be someone who has a problem with it. I told K she should either ignore girls like that and focus on the ones who are her friends or she can call the bullies on their BS. Either way I would be proud of her.

It's funny that she would pick the actions of one girl to focus on, there were 11 other girls in the class who were nice to her. I don't want her to grow up like I did, feeling inferior to anyone and letting some stupid girl make her feel bad. It's flooring to me that it can even happen to someone like her. Aside from being beautiful, she's smart and has many, many talents. She's athletic too, all the things that I was not. She has no problem talking to people she doesn't know yet she still can let someone insignificant in her life get her down. I've tried to stop this kind of thing but I guess it's something that has to be learned. I took her to get ice cream and we came home and talked it out. Then we went to karate. Seriously if she knows that she's strong enough to kick some serious butt maybe these dumb girls won't get to her as much. I also wanted her to take out her anger in a productive way. She was great in class, so I guess today's incident was good for something.

I had it quite differently. When the other girls were mean to me or made fun of me, I had no support. I would go home to an empty house and have to sit with it. I didn't have any talents to balance out my insecurities. I didn't have a portfolio of gorgeous pictures to look through when I needed it. I was left pretty much alone with hours to think about the events of the day. Hours to let all the words sink in. Words like "ugly" stayed with me for years. So when I hear K let anything like that stay with her for even a second I freak out, forgetting that she isn't me. She has the tools and the support to deal with it. She'll never feel like I did, not because she's gorgeous or musically gifted but because she will never be left alone with only her negative thoughts for company.

As for camp, I was shipped off at a young age to sleep-away camp for the whole summer, not because it was something I wanted or my mother thought I would enjoy, it was to avoid having to find something for me to do during the early hours of the day. K knows that she's in her dance camp because she loves to dance. She knows that I will be there early to pick her up. She knows that if I come and get her tomorrow and hear about any more bad things from that girl things will be taken care of. She knows that she will never be left alone with bad feelings.

Not even if that's what she wants.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Caught in the Crossfire?

No big rant today, just a gorgeous song by the always awesome Brandon Flowers of the Killers.


There's a still in the street outside your window
And you're keeping secrets on your pillow
Let me inside- no cause for alarm
I promise tonight not to do no harm
Yeah I promise ya babe, I won't do ya no harm

And we're caught up in the crossfire
Of heaven and hell
And we're searchin' for shelter
Lay your body down
Lay your body down
Lay your body down

Watching you dress as you turn down the lights
I forget all about the storm outside
Dark clouds roll their way over town
Heartache and pain came a-pouring down
Like hail, sleet and rain yeah they're handing it out

We're caught up in the crossfire
Of heaven and hell
And we're searchin' for shelter
Lay your body down
Lay your body down
Lay your body down

Lay your body down
Lay your body down
Lay your body down

Tell the devil that he can go back from where he came
His fiery arrows drew their bead in vain
And when the hardest part is over we'll be here
And our dreams will break the boundaries of our fear
The boundaries of our fear

Lay your body down
Lay your body down
Lay your body down

Lay your body down
Lay your body down
Lay your body down

Next to mine

Saturday, August 21, 2010

You've got to have friends.

Oh what a day! We met my childhood friend M and her family for a breakfast that was too short. I wish it could have lasted all day. It wasn't only great to finally reunite with a friend I had not seen in decades it was a pleasure to hang out with totally cool people. We talked and talked while the kids played, it was pretty empty at the restaurant so we let them run around, yelling every so often just to let the staff know that we semi-cared. It was one of those effortless meetings, the kind where the conversation just flows and you don't realize that decades have gone by since you saw them last.

I was sad when we had to leave, they had a flight to catch and we were off to K's music school. We said our goodbyes and hoped to see them again. Long distance relationships of any kind are difficult, but with all the reconnections made through Facebook recently I can see an East Coast trip in our future.

K has been taking piano for about 6 months and really seems to like it. I can hear it in her practicing at home. She can play by ear as well as read music which are two things I never thought possible in my family of musically challenged individuals. Thanks goodness for D and his creative genes. Her teacher is away and we've been working with a substitute who has a different philosophy regarding teaching kids and drawing the talent out. This teacher told us today that K is musically gifted, in fact she said she loves working with kids like K and seeing what they can do. She said my concerns over K's attention (or lack of) we simply a manifestation of her musical gift. I was thrilled, proud and had quite a time holding back my tears. I vowed to remember this feeling when she goods off during practice.

After that we ran a few errands and came home for a swim. I tried to rest, D and I were going out to dinner with our friend L, an actual grown up night out in Hollywood. I was going to need rest. Our dinner reservation wasn't until 10PM, just like in the days Pre-K! Now it's unlikely that I will be able to handle such a night without rest. How sad, but rest I did. Thank goodness.

Once again I was out with two guys, just like last summer. I thought that I was over that, happy being part of a "couples" night out. Nope, I have no problem being out with the guys, I had to dress like a girl though. While I have no interest in being part of a "guys night" I adore having a night with the guys. Especially these guys, my two best friends.

I suppose it's just another way I spurn convention. Why can't I have a soul sister that I never see? Why do I need to have a child that is seen and not heard? Why can't a girl be one of the guys? I've never played by the rules and I've never been a go with the flow kind of girl. As long as you surround yourself with people who feel the same who the fuck cares about teh conventional rules of society?

I sure don't and I don't want my daughter too either!

Friday, August 20, 2010


I was supposed to meet an old friend from childhood today, we tried to make it work but it didn't happen. She's staying in Newport with her family on their annual West Coast vacation and we were running around the Westside doing all the things that were not accomplished earlier in the week. It was one of those Facebook connections that brought us back together and emails and posts that got brought us up to date with each other. We even had a virtual night out during online cocktail party I hosted a while back.

So we texted and left messages back and forth hoping to maybe make this work for Saturday morning. With today's plan squashed we headed over to our friends DW and S, K had been bugging me to take her swimming over at their house so today we went. It was nice to sit and chit chat with my friends, with other people around I was last on the list of people who K wanted in the pool with her. We stayed longer than we should have and rushed home to clean up for our Friday night dinner. We went to a Mexican place that we've been going to for years and had a nice time, we spent the whole dinner laughing, it was one of those perfect evenings. After we got home my friend M (same name) and I decided we were going to meet for breakfast before they got on the plane. I was so glad that it was going to work out, I haven't seen anyone from my past in years. Many years!

Enjoy this awesome video. It made me cry long after I stopped playing it.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

If you can't beat them...

So the return of summer has left K and I in a strange situation. We are so used to our current routine that the sudden appearance of the heat has annoyed us. We have grown accustomed to dressing in pants and not worrying about being hot. We are used to walking by the pool without wanting to jump in. For the first summer in years I am not dealing with K's green hair. We found other things to occupy our time. We've found wonderful new places to eat and cool new stores to shop. We've traveled many times down to Orange County for photo shoots, spent lots of time in Hollywood for auditions and spent so much time at karate class they are about to charge me rent.

So today we got ready but it was different. Instead of the beautiful morning breeze we are used to feeling it was hot. The heat made everything take longer, I didn't feel like rushing out and K was in no mood to hurry. We had a long list of things to do but we finally got out the door we didn't feel like doing any of them. Then K said she was hungry. This always happens as soon as we get in the car and drive away, remember she's the kid that thinks things taste better to when you pay for it. So we drove for a bit and ended up at the Brentwood Country Mart, how we ended up there is anyone's guess, but the new ice cream place might have had something to do with it. We walked around and both decided it was too hot to eat, we did want to check out the ice cream place. As we turned the corner I was delighted to see Cafe Luxxe, my favorite place had opened there as well. The ice cream place opened at 12:00PM and it was 11:50AM. Hmmmmm, we went into Luxxe and I got a latte (of course) and then at 12:00 I made my tiny child ecstatic by letting her have ice cream for lunch. As she was choosing a flavor I spotted "salted caramel" uh, really? My no bad food week was out the window and I ordered 2 scoops of it, they even put salt on top of. OMG, seriously, it was amazing. I justified it by the heat but it was fun and delicious.

After that we did a few things and then came home. I wanted her to go to karate but we decided a swim was in order first. I was going to watch her but again, the heat was awful and the thought of splashing around with her sounded good. We swam right through karate. Then it was time to think about dinner. Driving was the last thing we wanted to do. Ilooked in the freezer and decided it was BBQ for dinner, except we were going to use the Foreman Grill, too lazy to actually turn on the grill.

K was happy, D was happy and I was happy. I decided that all decisions I made today would be the ones that K would make and you know what? It was awesome. Dessert for lunch, skipping class and lazy dinner was fun.

I love summer!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Summer has arrived!

Summer's here finally, it seemed like a really long winter. Oh wait, it's August. Summer is late by over two months. WTF? Yesterday was the first day for a visit to the beach and I was missing my beach buddy. Today was just as nice but like always we had plans. K had a test shoot with an awesome photographer I love. Her studio was downtown, which to anyone else would have been a long drive, to us it was easy. K was thrilled to see that the photographer had two little dogs, I was hoping this would be easy.

We went through the wardrobe we brought and she pulled out a cute little white dress which gave K an angelic ethereal look, especially when the fan started blowing her long flowing hair. She wasn't having fun though, part of that was her fault, she asked me to be near her (a mistake) and part of it was mine, I didn't insist on her finishing her breakfast and I didn't bring snacks because this was supposed to be a short shoot. Besides, she never wants what I bring for her. Luckily the photographer had something to give to K in addition to her infinite amount of patience. Then she asked K what kind of music to play, when K said she wanted to hear "Kids" by MGMT I knew it was on. I stepped out of the studio and watched her from another room. They worked well together and after a while K insisted on being the photographer, just like mama.

After the shoot we were going to go to The Grove to see if her pictures were up in The Children's Place but after sort of getting lost leaving downtown and needing gas we both just wanted to go home. It was so hot when we finally made it home, it felt unfamiliar to us, it hasn't been hot in our neighborhood since last year. We came inside peeled off our clothes and had some lunch. We debated on a swim but decided against it, we cuddled on the couch and watched an old episode of America's Next Top Model, K thinks it's cool to watch the photo shoots and likes to critique the girls. Usually she's spot on.

After that we went to karate, I told her it would be quiet at the dojo and that means that she gets more one on one training, she likes that. There were only a few kids there some white belts and a friend of K's from preschool (who is also a kid actor) I like it when we see him, his mom is super cool and we just sit and laugh for the hour. After the class was over they would not leave each other, it was cute. They were sharing snacks and chasing each other. I felt like I was watching 13 year olds. We walked out together and as they walked away she turned around and yelled "BYE H!!!!!!!!!" Then she looked up to me and said "I like them." Yeah, I noticed.

D was going out with a friend and I had planned on taking K to dinner, when I asked what she felt like having she said we didn't have to go out, she wanted me to make her pasta Alfredo. Huh? Who was this impostor and where was my daughter who only eats food that is served and prepared by others? I was sort of bummed though, I wanted to walk down the street to a local Italian place that has good pizza, I can have a glass or two of wine without breaking my driving rule.

We came home and she wanted to go swimming, I was in no mood to go in the pool but I sat with her, she tired of that quickly. I'm sure that was due to the hours and hours she spent at the waterpark yesterday. We haven't spent much time in the pool this summer, we've done so many other things. This is a sharp contrast to all the swimming we did last year. It actually seemed boring to her! She wanted to go in and help me cook dinner, she wanted to hang out and talk. I don't know if the heat had gotten to her or she missed me yesterday, whatever the reason, I liked it.

We had a nice evening and I put her to bed a little early, her bedtimes has been getting later and later and after long days what she really needs is sleep. Plus I needed the alone time too, with D gone I could get this written and watch Hard Knocks. I did some writing, texting, reading and Facebooking. I almost have a handle on my time management. Thank goodness.

So the arrival of hot weather is perfect as the summer starts to wind down. Things are a little off-kilter but it's fitting. In my house we are all a little off right now.

and I like it.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Domestic Furlough Days

A while ago mandatory furlough days were instituted in California. All courts and Government offices were closed on that day, I'm pretty sure it was the third Wednesday of the month. I took advantage of this by scheduling my jury duty for one of those weeks. I still got called in. The mid week closure must mess things up, I got called in on the Thursday and sat there all day until I was released and thanked for my services. Good thing because while D was able to take K for that afternoon it's not something he can do on a regular basis. I was annoyed that caregiver for a 5 year old wasn't enough to get me out of it but that's a super long rant for another day.

I actually had a good time that day, except the getting there early part. That sucked. The rest of it was easy. I sat a table and read a book, got a quick lunch and then back to reading. Aside from the not to comfy chairs it was pretty relaxing. I don't think I've had a day like that since. Until today. D decided it was a mandatory domestic furlough day and made a plan that would keep her out of the house from 9:00AM to about 8:00PM. Part of this furlough day is to make up for last year's lack of D and K time and part of it was D's desire to spend time with his awesome daughter. Last summer we were going through a lot and I sometimes took my anger out on my daughter making some days difficult for all of us. That is not the case this summer. While things aren't peachy perfect they are getting better and the days while long are mostly happy. In fact there's a long list of things that are being neglected because of it, this blog is one of them. I've tried to catch up but it's impossible. My days are spent with my child and my evenings with my husband, or my Facebook friends :) I feel the backlog is impossible deal with so I put it off hoping to get to it. My case of Scarlett O'Haraitis has come back with a wicked case.

It's not like I don't know what I want to write. I have outlines and notes about what we did all over the place, I still get to my laptop and just stare. Mind numb, fingers still. The task of recreating the last few weeks is quite daunting, especially when the days are chock full of cool events. Like photo shoots, confidential commercials and an A-list party for a six yer old. I want to tell you these things, they were all awesome but at the end of the day I lay in a comatose-like state unable to do more than lift my latte and say how much my feet hurt.

Today was going to be different. With D and K out the door I was going to write, write write!! Right. Just as soon as I return a shirt that I bought at TJ Maxx, it looked cute at the store, not so much in my house. I also needed to find a white shirt for K, she has a photo shoot with another awesome photographer who is doing a series of kids in white. Luckily it's school uniform time and Old Navy is cheap. After that I was tired, returns at TJ Maxx are popular, I was there forever.

I came home and was determined to write. I just needed some lunch first. Hmmmmmm, can't write and eat so I checked the DVR to see what I had there. As luck would have it my guiltiest of all guilty pleasure was right there for me. It's almost embarrassing to say since I pride myself on the lack of television viewing that goes on in my house. Since I also pride myself on honesty I will tell you that it was The Real Housewives Of New Jersey. For reals. I don't know why I like it, it's truly awful, the women look like drag queens and they are ridiculous but still I can't look away. Just like that show on hoarders, it's gross yet I have to watch.

So I got sucked into that for a while and it felt good. It felt good to sit and let my body relax. I was completely absorbed in the absurdity of these big-haired drama queens. Then the guilt kicked in. The thought of telling D that I did nothing with my day off was bad enough, telling him I watched trash television was worse. I put on some music and started cleaning up around here. My writing wasn't the only thing neglected in my house, this place was a mess. By the time I got to K's room I was in full nesting mode. That might have been due to my period, sorry TMI? To make it worse it was a period I had been waiting for and I hate to wait. Especially four weeks. More TMI, so sorry.

I think I did a good job with K's room, not a huge change but she will be happy. I moved the bins of clothing out of her room into mine forcing me to finally once and for all finish the Great Purge of 2010. K's in camp again next week so I will have a few hours each day to methodically put my plan into action and complete it. Really. I mean it this time!!

So I know that there is a big chunk of this blog missing. I promise to fill in the holes when I have time. It's good stuff too.

D and K are almost home, I know they had a great day, I'm happy that they enjoy doing things together but I have to say I miss her. Driving around without my little buddy is no fun. I know she missed me too, she was so cute on the phone a few minutes ago. These furlough days are great, daddy and kid bonding is always good, relaxing time for mom is always needed but it's appreciating the ones we may take for granted sometimes that makes it all worthwhile. That's priceless.

I wonder if that's what they feel after a furlough day in the courts?


Sunday, August 1, 2010

Sleepy Sunday

After a long day we had a lazy Sunday. D and K even made cupcakes. We did some swimming and sitting in the sun. K and I have a long drive tomorrow and she starts her dance camp tomorrow. We decided a mellow day was in order. What we didn't do was go get D's car so it looks like I'm taxi mom tomorrow.

I dig this song. Hope you like it!

Band of Horses - Laredo

Gonna take a trip to Laredo
Gonna take a dip in the lake
Oh, I'm at a crossroads with myself
I don't got no one else

And possibilities at the door
I won't be needing them anymore
Oh, is this the first time in your life?
It's hard just to get by

But oh, my love, don't you even know?
And oh, my love, are you really gone?

And can you see the world through a window?
Are you having troubles in droves?
Oh, I think the worst thing I could do
Is get back home to you

I put a bullet in my Kia Lorenzo
A kitchen knife up to my face
Throw me in the deep of Jenner Lake
Believe me when I say

That oh, my love, you don't even call
And oh, my love, is that you on the phone?

And oh, my love, you don't even know
That oh, my love, are you really gone?