Too many mental tabs open today.

Saturday, November 19, 2011


Prince - The Most Beautiful Girl In The World

The moment I found out I was carrying a girl this song popped into my head. While I was pretty convinced the baby was a boy the news didn't come as a shock. I hoped she would be healthy, I hoped she would be happy and I hoped she would be beautiful. Maybe that was shallow of me but isn't that what everyone wants? So for the months that followed I imagined the video I was going to make of my daughter to this song. Being married to an editor was a guarantee that this was something that will be done (oops!)

OK, so eight years later I still think of this song (and unmade video) on a daily basis, I got more than I ever hoped to get. My little daughter is as healthy as they come (knock wood) she's usually pretty happy and she is so beautiful sometimes I don't think she's real.

Eight years ago today D and I were in a hospital room with a medical team trying to flip our little acrobat around. We were sleep deprived and scared not knowing what was really happening. My four page birth plan was out the window and we had no idea what was going on. Eventually though, babies come out so I'll spare the gory details (even though I am positive they are on this blog multiple times) and say she made her appearance as only she could.

Eight years ago today I was given a tiny (and I mean tiny!) little baby girl with a mass of black hair and the biggest eyes I had ever seen. D and I stared at her in that plastic box they keep babies in wondering what we were supposed to do next. Nurses and visitors all said how beautiful she was and how lucky we were. We were happy she was healthy and beautiful but scared shitless. Now what?

The rest was a blur, thankfully captured by my relentless picture taking. Today I woke up to an eight year old grinning from ear to ear eager to open the giant pile of gifts she had received. All I could think of were the lyrics to "Once In A Lifetime." How did I get here? Who is this kid in my house? Where's my baby? Certainly not the kid that told me yesterday that a boy likes her (oops, that's a secret, so shhhh!) Who is this young lady who effortless goes from a whole week of modeling to hanging upside down on the monkey bars at school without missing a beat? Who is this girl who can't walk through town without a chorus of "K!!!!!" It can't be my tiny infant whose head smells like cinnamon buns. Can it?

Well they said it would go by fast but I never believed it. Not that eight is the end of childhood but if these last eight years went by so fast the next will be here soon enough. I still relentlessly run after my child with a camera (although her "career" keeps her well documented) but soon she'll be too fast for me. I do cherish each day with her, even the ones where she pisses me off to no end. What quells my anger is the thought that one day I will wish for her rolly eyes. Once she's a teenager I'll probably only see the back of her beautiful head.

Happy Birthday to my beautiful angel baby. I love you with all my heart. I am so proud of the things you have accomplished at such a young age. Keep doing what you're doing but do me a favor, slow down once in a while so I can get a glimpse of your beautiful smile.

Oh and I will make that video, hopefully before your next birthday!!!

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