Yes master.

So last night I'm on Facebook and I see a post by a friend explaining that her impending bad mood will be a result of the master cleanse diet she is about to start. A few funny comments followed and then there was mine: I want to do this! Then I looked it up, while it was doable, it wasn't going to be fun:

The Master Cleanse claims to be a way to cleanse the body of and remove the cravings associated with drugs, alcohol, tobacco, eating, "Coffee, tea, and various hot drinks." The cleanse involves drinking only a concoction made from fresh lemons, grade B maple syrup and cayenne pepper, as well as a laxative tea. No solid food is eaten for the entire cleanse.

For people in good health, the body is designed to eliminate normal everyday toxins from itself through the lungs, kidneys, liver, and other eliminator organs. Nutritionist Jane Clark points to a lack of essential nutrients in this program, citing a deficiency of protein, vitamins, and minerals in the regimen. As a result of these deficiencies, including far fewer calories than the recommended amount for health and optimum functioning, individuals on the diet may experience headaches and a variety of other symptoms in the short term and the diet is potentially harmful over the long term.

I see a few problems here, well really two. No coffee or wine. Not only are they obviously forbidden but the purpose of the cleanse is to remove the craving of these wonderful things. The laxative tea sounds rather unpleasant as well. I want to rid my body of toxins not eliminate my hobbies (little cleanse joke there).

I try my best to eat a healthy diet, I try not to eat bad carbohydrates (try being the key word here) but sometimes it doesn't work. Last year my will was made of iron. I didn't let as much as one breadcrumb pass through my lips and it showed. My pointy hipbones we the reward for that. I don't know how it happened but the points are gone and my jeans are tight. Even when I get back into the "Zone" the weight that normally fell off isn't budging. I thought that maybe a cleanse was the way to go. I had always heard that people who did them always felt better after even though it was tough to do. I didn't know about the laxative thing. I don't really want to do that.

I eat right, I drink plenty of water, I don't eat junk food (yes, there are exceptions to that) I don't drink that much alcohol, sure I love my wine but never to excess. Nothing seems to be working. I really wanted to do a cleanse but after reading lengthy poo reports on one website I don't think that's the path I want to take. I suppose I just need to cut down on the lattes. Get more then 4 hours of sleep a night and stop sharing treats with K. I need to dig deep and channel the focused me from last summer. That might be difficult because swimsuit season is over. Nothing keeps a girl on her diet like a tiny bikini.

I do have this awesome pair of jeans I bought last year. They are a size I don't think I ever wore and for a few minutes around last Halloween they fit. I won't even try to get them on now but maybe next week I'll try them on and assess the damage. This whole weight thing has me perplexed, it was so easy for me last summer when I was miserable and unhappy. Now things are so much better and I can't keep cupcakes from flying into my mouth. Was it all the inner turmoil? I actually think it was a control thing. I felt like I had no control of anything going on in my life, I did however monitor and measure every piece of food that came near me.

That sucks.

So for me, in order to maintain the weight I like, I either have to be angst ridden or spend 10 days chained to a toilet? I'm just going to do my best, keep the treats to a minimum and think of my super skinny self in a bikini. I'll try to keep my diet and my mind in the "zone."

I can master cleanse from the inside out but I'm going to start with my head not my bottom.