Too many mental tabs open today.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

All I Ever Wanted

I am a girl of simple wants: I simply want every to be happy. Doesn't seem like I'm asking much, I mean I could want lots of things right? I don't have much to complain about, D, K and I are all healthy, we have a roof over our heads, a fully stocked refrigerator and carry no debt. K does well is school, D has a steady stream of work flowing into his company and I am managing to keep it all running smoothly. Sure we hit some speedbumps now and then but we are pretty much on the right track, finally.

April has brought K three huge booking it's also brought the deaths of three people close to us and our family and while that is way too much for anyone to deal with we will try to take something positive out of it. D was recently up north at the first funeral and he really enjoyed spending time with his cousins, he realized that the only time he gets to see them is when something bad happens. We would really like to change that. All the issues with his mother should have nothing to do his relationship with the other members of his family. We can make a trip up to see them without any MIL drama. Another thing I've always wanted was a big family, marrying an only child didn't really help that.

Wednesday we attended the funeral for the mother of some friends of ours. Although the busy schedules of all of our lives keeps us from seeing these friends often we are always at each others birthday parties and events. Our growing family of friends is large and we watched as this group went from the single-party-people crowd to the baby-on-board set. It's always the same faces at these parties and the happiest face at one particular set of parties was always our friend's mom L. Seriously, every time I think of this woman she is smiling. She was such a huge help to her kids when they had kids of their own and I was always so jealous! Seriously, One of the things I really wanted was a relative who live close to us, but not just any relative, someone like L was always such a help. D and I were not blessed with this but we could live vicariously through our friends that were. L served as the benchmark for that.

That night D and I went to see one of my favorite bands, The Airborne Toxic Event at the El Rey. The last thing I wanted to do was to get back into my car and drive to Hollywood but still into the traffic I went. Actually the traffic was great. So was the band. The song in the video above is off the new album and it is amazing. I was happy to hear it, especially after such an emotional day. The night would have perfect had D not received the annual "I'm in the hospital" call from his mother. Normally a call like that would elicit sympathy and worry but receiving this call every year around Mother's Day has made it just another thing we have to deal with. It always starts out the same too: She'll go to the ER with some issue, they will admit her (living in a small town has it's advantages) a day later she will call D and say she's probably going to need surgery. A few days they will release her finding nothing wrong. Normally I react strongly. This time I just wanted to hear the news, I had no feelings except pity. It was getting old already.

After the day we had, saying goodbye to a wonderful woman, enjoying a show with my true love, contrived bad news was just an annoyance and a reminder that I will never have the family circle that I always wanted. I know that the phone call was planned to garner the maximum effect but it's a good reminder to check your facts first. Know your audience, especially where they were the day you decide to drop your yearly bomb.

I know it sounds like I'm angry, but I'm not. I just need a cathartic way to let it out. It actually turned comical when I reminded D the rule of threes: Once is an occurrence, twice is a coincidence and three times establishes a pattern. We were able to enjoy the concert instead of rushing home. We were on the same page this time and left the show arm in arm instead of side by side.

Which is really all I ever wanted.

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