Too many mental tabs open today.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Good things

Can I say how happy I am that this week is finally over?? Not that stress takes the weekend off, especially family related stress. There's just something symbolic about Friday that allows me put the week behind me. This weeks stress was like last weeks, MIL induced and full of frustration. A week long tennis match of emails which culminated in full circle yesterday. After all the work D and I have been doing, trying to go forward and get on with our lives, MIL decided to bring us back to the beginning witha ridiculous email full of nothing good. I knew it was coming and I was prepared to try out my new forgiving self. I failed. Miserably.

I read yesterday's addendum to the BS Manifesto (the name for the email that started it all) she wrote last week and just went off, immediately calling D and picking apart her email sentence by sentence. I was furious and justified in feeling this way. I was not justified in the way I went about it. D talked me off the ledge and took me to a safe place. Sensing my festering anger he forwarded the email to Dr. Phil who suggested a phone session. He also replied to his mother saying that we are taking a break from communication for a while. So at 8PM I was on the couch talking with my therapist about my MIL problems. I hate being a Los Angeles cliché sometimes. Talking it out with Dr. Phil at home was wonderful, I wasn't as angry as I was earlier and I was cozy on the couch in my sweats and tank with my feet resting on D. About halfway through the session I flat out asked if I was overreacting or being unreasonable, I trust Dr. Phil implicitly so his answer would have been taken to heart. I felt better when he said no, I was not. I was actually more angry at myself for letting her get to me in such a negative way. When the phone session ended I felt relieved, relaxed and exhausted. Dr. Phil successfully exorcised the demon from my body, all that was left was a pounding headache and the welcoming arms of my loving husband. For the first time in a LONG time I slept all night, I didn't even wake up when K came into our bed at 2AM. Apparently recovering from a demon extraction is hard work.

I woke up refreshed, optimistic and gleefully happy. D and K had to check the house for the pod I no doubt emerged from. I sent them off with hugs and kisses and started my morning routine, which mostly involves Facebook. Then I checked my email. Are you frickin kidding me??? Another MIL email sent after D had said enough? Hmmmm, I took a deep breath and clicked on it. It was short, thankfully. I read it, sent it off to D and hit delete. That was it. No rage. No anger. No physical reaction. Nothing. I was back and I was happy. Not that this is the end, in fact it's just the beginning of a long process but the difference in how I felt yesterday compared to day was a journey in itself. I knew it was going to be a good day. So here are some of the good things I did today:

20 Good things:
I woke up in a good mood
I did not freak out over a stupid email
I enjoyed my morning
I called my husband and did not complain
I called my friends and did not complain
I put a positive quote on my Facebook page
I had no negative thoughts (this one was hard)
I bought something nice for myself (retail therapy)
I bought it for 70% off :)
I did not succumb to road rage
I was polite on the road
I preformed random acts of kindness to strangers
I played Radiohead while driving on PCH (aural therapy)
I got a big hug from K when I picked her up from school
I took my happy child for ice cream with a cherry on top
I made green rice krispie treats for K's piano class
I did not raise my voice at K (or anyone)
I was happy and in a great mood when D came home
I did not insult a telemarketer (this will not last)
I am about to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie with my family

I have to say it's almost fun being a shiny happy person. The sarcastic, sardonic and obnoxious parts of me deserve a day off. Don't worry, I'll be back tomorrow using K's fart maker on the telemarketers.


1 comment:

  1. As a young child you learned early not to touch a hot stove. (Stepfathers abuse)Now you are a grown woman and having a child of your own allows you the knowledge that you would not let that painful experience to ever happen again. Touching that hot stove hurts and hurts very bad. That being said, abuse is abuse and should not be tolerated on any level. You now know that being hurt is forgivable but not acceptable. That is why you are reacting that way. You don't have to take abuse from anyone, friend, father, sister, mother or MIL. You can shout it from the roof tops. No more abuse! I will not let anyone hurt me or my child. People who love you will lift you up and love you, not pull you down. I believe you got it and are trying not to be taken back to the stove! You are loved by so many...